Alternate Pokeverse: The Wind Waker
by Winged Ether
Summary: You know the drill: Wind Waker, but with Pokemon! Enjoy the adventure of Link the insane Riolu, Tetra the abusive Pikachu, and King of Red Lions the miscolored Dragonair boat!
1. This Birthday Sucks!

**Alright, here we go. This is my attempt at writing a Pokémon and Legend of Zelda crossover for the Wind Waker. This is inspired by that one little guy's "The Legend of Eevee: Pokeflute of Time." I did this one for Wind Waker, though, because there are already two good Ocarina of Time stories out there. So anyway, me and my fairy, Nyx, will be hosting this story.**

**Nyx: Hey listen! (That's me!)**

**Me: Nyx, Act like a Parody Day was four days ago.**

**Nyx: I know, I just like talking like that! Now let's just get on with this sorry excuse for a parody!**

**---**

**Chapter 1: This Birthday Sucks!**

It was another peaceful, painfully boring day on Outset Island. The Pokemon were going about their normal daily lives, which was basically carrying pots on their heads or watching wild Swinubs all day. Everything was quiet…

"BIG BROTHERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

… Until Aryll spoke. The little Ralts's ridiculously high-pitched voice shattered a few windows, pots, and killed a nearby Wingull. She ran all the way across the tiny little island and up to the lookout, since she thought her brother would be here for some reason. Somehow, she was right, and she saw a Riolu sleeping on the platform.

"LINK!!!! WAKE UPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Riolu, Link, was instantly jolted from his sleep. "Ahh! The cuckoos are coming! Run for the hills!" He then turned around and saw Aryll. "Oh, it's just you." He gripped the sides of his head and groaned, "Where am I?"

"You're up on the Lookout. I told you that you shouldn't have raided Orca's alcohol stash last night."

"Yeah, whatever. Now what do you want?" Link asked.

"Don't you remember what day it is today?"

"…My birthday?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

Link rolled his eyes. "Call it a lucky guess."

"Well anyway, big brother-"

"See, I've been meaning to ask you about that. How are we related? We're both different species, and even Grandma isn't the same Pokémon as one of us."

"Our ancestors were into interspecies breeding." Aryll said simply.

"Well, I guess that makes sense. Now what do you want?"

"I came to tell you that Grandma's waiting for you. She wants to give you your present!"

"You woke me up to tell me that? You know I hate grandma's presents! Every year it's some stupid baby boy thing!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Do I really have to explain it to you?" He asked, glaring at her.

"Just go get your present." Aryll said in an exasperated tone.

"Fine." Link turned and jumped out of the watchtower into the water below. As he swam to shore, Aryll called after him.

"You could've just used the ladder!"

"Ladders are for chumps!" Link called back. He swam over to the other island and then ran across to his house. It took longer than normal because he insisted on sneaking around to avoid the neighbors. He did take one detour to get two Swinubs for the Miltank that lived in the house on the hill, though. He got paid twenty rupees each for them. After that, Link went back to sneaking around.

When he finally got inside, he broke some of their dishes for fun, and then stared up at the second floor. He then used Force Palm on the support beams until the floor, and the Wynaut on it, came crashing down.

"Alright!" He cheered. The Wynaut then slapped him across the face.

"Ow! Grandma!" Link whined.

"Don't 'Grandma' me, you wimp! That's what you get for destroying the house!" Grandma said. The Wynaut didn't look very happy. She instantly brightened up, though. "Happy Birthday, Link!

"Yeah yeah, now where's my stupid present?" Link asked impatiently.

"Oh, well I didn't have the money to get you a real present, so I did some trading with a bunch of shady characters and got you this bubbling cauldron off the black market!" Grandma said, pointing to the large black pot behind her. The green potion inside was glowing.

"What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Well, you could drink it-"

"No way! It's probably poison or something!"

"You could bathe in it-"

"It'll probably give me an allergic reaction!"

"Look you ungrateful little dog…" Grandma threatened. "I went through a lot to get this stupid gift, and I won't take rejection from my own grandson! Now do something with the potion, or else!"

Link stared at the potion uneasily. "Are you sure- WHOA, HEY!" The Riolu screamed as his grandma picked him up and threw him into the cauldron. His head quickly broke the surface and he started screaming.

"AHHH!!! IT BURNS!" He screeched. His thrashing tipped the pot over and he fell out. When he recovered, he found that the potion had turned his blue fur a light green color.

"Hmm, looks like you were right. You did have an allergic reaction." Grandma said.

Link responding by wrapping both hands around her neck and strangling her. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?! ARE YOU TRYING TO ROAST ME ALIVE?!?!?!?!"

The Riolu eventually let go of his suffocating grandma and looked down at himself. "Aw man, I look like a retard. Hopefully this is only temporary."

"No such luck!" Grandma replied cheerfully, reading the instructions.

"…What?"

"That stuff is permanent! Which means it will never come off! And it genetically alters, so your descendents one hundred years from now will still look like that! Muahahahaha!" Grandma laughed maniacally.

Link stared at her for a moment before he finally started screaming. "Damn you Grandma! You are so lucky that you're a psychic-type and I'm a fighting-type! When I get my sword later on in this story I am going to kill you! You better hope I don't get that sword anytime soon!"

He was immediately slapped in the side of the head. "OW! Grandma!"

"What did I tell you about breaking the forth wall? Now go get your sister so we can get on with this birthday!"

Link didn't respond. He walked out of the house, grumbling under his breath about the horrible things he would do to the Wynaut. When he got outside, he covered his ears to block out Aryll's singing, which could be heard from the watchtower. He quickly pulled out some earmuffs and put them on. Smiling, he ran over to the watchtower.

When he got up there, he noticed Aryll surrounded by the bodies of several dead Wingulls that were unfortunate enough to be near her when she started singing. Aryll stopped and turned around, while Link took off his earmuffs. "Big brother, those colors look really weird on you."

"I know." He said in a deadpan voice.

"Well, now it's time for me to give you my present. I'm going to give you my most prized possession for one day only!"

"That's not much of a present."

"Yeah, but it's all I have at the moment." She threw her telescope at him.

"Fine, whatever. Thanks." Link groaned as he caught it.

"Go on, try it out!" Aryll said happily.

Link used the telescope and looked at the Staraptor postman near the mailbox. Link saw the postman look up at the sky, then start flapping his wings wildly.

"That postman looks kind of weird, doesn't he? AHH, LINK! LOOK UP AT THE SKY!" Aryll suddenly screamed.

Almost dropping the telescope in surprise, Link looked up and zoomed in on a large Ho-oh flying across the sky. Link could just see a young Pikachu in the bird's talons. Down below, some pirates were shooting them, but their cannonballs were missing by what seemed like several miles.

Eventually, the Pikachu must have grown either too angry at the bird or too embarrassed by the pirate's terrible aim, because she used Thunderbolt on the Ho-oh. While the attack didn't hurt much, it allowed two cannonballs to hit their mark. One hit the Ho-oh in the head, while the other hit the talon holding the Pikachu. Both of them fell, and Link could see the now unconscious Electric-type fall into the forest on top of the mountain.

"Link, this is terrible! That girl fell into the forest! You have to go rescue her!" Aryll sobbed when Link took the telescope away from his eye.

"Why me? Can't someone else go? You know, someone more expendable?"

"But you have to go Link! Please? Pleasepleasepleaseplease-"

"Alright, I'll go!" Link shouted in frustration.

"Yay, thanks Link!" Aryll cheered.

"Next chapter."

"WHAT?!"


	2. Meeting Tetra

**Greetings! Nyx, remind me why it took so long to post this.**

**Nyx: I blame homework and our tendency to get easily distracted.**

**Right, well, anyway thanks to our one reviewer!**

**Nyx: You're easily satisfied, aren't you?**

**Yes, now stop interrupting me! Well anyway, we need to do a disclaimer, despite the fact that it should be obvious that we don't own this. Take it away, Nyx!**

**Nyx: Winged Ether does not own Pokemon or Legend of Zelda. There, you happy now? Let's roll!**

**Chapter 2: Meeting Tetra**

After jumping out of the lookout tower (and unfortunately missing the water so he crashed into the wooden boards instead), Link quickly made his way over to the entrance to the forest on top the mountain.

"What the-?" Link said as he saw that a wall of trees that were blocking his path. "No problem!" He used Force Palm to try and break them down, but ended up with a stubbed paw instead.

"OW! Mother-!" Link half-swore as he waved his hurt paw around. He noticed the sign nearby and read the fine print. "These trees are magical and can only be cut down by a sword. AH COME ON! Stupid plot inconvenience!"

He quickly departed and made his way to Orca's house, because he knew Orca had a sword thanks to his nightly alcohol raids. He walked inside and saw a Marowak with a spear.

"Yo, Orca! Wassup?" Link waved cheerfully. Orca just glared at him.

"Save it, I know why you're here. You want my sword so you can cut down those trees blocking the way up the mountain."

"How did you know that?" Link asked, shocked.

"I could hear you screaming all the way down here. By the way, your grandma is probably going to kill you for swearing like that."

"Yeah, whatever. So, can I have a sword?"

"You can only have it if you prove your skill with it." Orca threw him the sword and Link thankfully caught it without injuring himself.

"Sweet! But shouldn't you use your club? That flimsy spear is not going to hold up."

"This spear is made of the finest woods! It will not break in a friendly train-" Link swung the sword and cut the spear in half.

Orca glared at him again. "You ***hole." He threw the spear away and grabbed his club.

"Suck it up. Now we fight!"

-Twenty seconds later-

"I win!" Link shouted as he happily danced around Orca's barely conscious body, not noticing that the Marowak was in extreme pain.

"I understand that you are skilled… with your sword," Orca breathed, "but was it really necessary to STAB ME IN THE BALLS?"

"Completely." Link said, still dancing. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go kill my Grandma for making my fur this horrid color in the first place."

-At Link's house-

"AH COME ON!" Link shouted in the now empty house. Somehow he had completely missed his Grandma, who had been outside the house on the deck.

"I guess I should go rescue that Pikachu now." Link muttered. "I've stalled enough."

-At the mountain-

"Take that, trees!" Link yelled as he cut down the trees with ease and ran up the mountain and over the bridge, laughing maniacally the whole way. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the missing board in the bridge, and fell through all the way down to the ocean below. Needless to say, when he got back up to that point, he was PISSED.

"Damn board." Link growled as he jumped over and ran into the forest. He instantly saw the Pikachu lying on a tree branch a distance away. "There she is. This should be easy." Link said as he walked forward into the line of sight of a Grumpig.

"Hi there. Sorry to intrude, but I have to-" He was hit over the head before he could finish the sentence. "Okay that's it!" Link shouted, quickly reverting back to pissed-off mode. He swung his sword and slashed at the Grumpig until it disappeared into purple smoke.

"Who else wants some?" Link screamed. He was answered by two Grumpigs being dropped out of the sky. Link wasted no time in killing them, then changed back to his happy mood as he made his way over to the Pikachu he was rescuing.

The Electric-type chose this time, of course, to wake up and realize she was stuck in a tree. she started struggling, which caused the branch to snap and send her falling. When she hit the ground, she let out a lot of colorful words that greatly increased Link's vocabulary.

She then noticed Link. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Link." Link introduced himself. "And you are…?"

"Tetra." The Pikachu replied. "Where am I?"

Link was silent. "That's a good question actually. I don't know."

"You don't know? How old are you?"

"Twelve."

"YOU'RE FREAKING TWELVE YEARS OLD AND YOU DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE ISLAND YOU LIVE ON?"

"When you say it like that it sounds kind of bad."

Tetra face-palmed. "Forget it. Just get me out of here."

"Okay." Link was about to move when a loud shout was heard.

"MISS TETRA!"

"Oh no." Tetra groaned as she looked at the Machoke running over to them.

"Miss Tetra, I'm so glad you're okay." He noticed Link. "Oh, who's this boy?"

"Hey Link, you in a relationship with anyone?" Tetra asked.

"The people on my island are idiots. I hate them all." Link growled.

"Sorry Gonzo, he's straight." Tetra said. "Let's go."

When they got back outside, Link saw Aryll waiting on the other side. Link quickly put on his earmuffs and waved to her. "Hi Aryll!"

"HI LINK!" Aryll screeched, shattering the unprepared Tetra and Gonzo's eardrums. A loud shriek was heard, which Link was completely unaware of until Aryll was grabbed by the talons of the Ho-oh that had been carrying Tetra earlier.

"ARYLL!" Link screamed, throwing off his earmuffs before remembering something. "Oh wait, I hate her. SEE YA!"

"BUT I HAVE THE HUNDRED RUPEES I OWE YOU!"

"YOU **WHAT**!" Link screamed as he immediately ran after them. He, of course, fell off the cliff, but was saved by Tetra, who was in turn saved by Gonzo.

"You idiot! She's gone; you can't do anything about it!" Tetra yelled.

"Yeah, I'm holding Tetra, for Farore's sake! This is bad for my health and safety!" Gonzo said.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT ME?" Tetra screeched, cheeks crackling with electricity. She let out a Thunderbolt, which shocked everyone and sent all three falling into the water below.

Link surfaced and watched in dismay as the Ho-oh flew off with his sister. "Now I'll never get my hundred rupees…"


	3. Failure at the Forsaken Fortress

**Hey, sorry for the wait, but we're back now! This is the longest chapter yet, mostly due to the fact that we actually need to get started with the actual plot. Anyway, thanks to our reviewer and Nyx, if you will?**

**Nyx: We do not own Legend of Zelda or Pokémon and likely never will. Isn't that obvious?**

**You'd think. Roll the clip!**

**Chapter 3: Failure at the Forsaken Fortress**

"What do you mean you want to come with us?" Tetra yelled at Link. They had gotten out of the water and were now on the beach near Tetra's pirate ship.

"Exactly that. I want to come with you and rescue my sister."

"Look, even if I were to let you on, which I won't, we have no idea where that Ho-Oh took your sister. And no one on this goddess-forsaken island is going to know, ever."

Right on cue, the Staraptor postman from earlier showed up. "I eavesdropped on your conversation and heard everything. I can tell you where the Ho-Oh took her!"

Tetra face-palmed. "Son of a-"

Link interrupted her. "Really, that's great! Where?"

"That giant bird took her to the Forsaken Fortress. It is a dark and mysterious place, filled with unimaginable horrors and-"

"Oh hey, I remember that place! I went to the karaoke contest they held there." Tetra piped up.

"Way to kill the mood." The Staraptor said. "But getting back on track, you should take him because it's your fault his sister was captured in the first place."

"My fault?" Tetra growled. "How the heck is his sister getting pokenapped my fault?"

"Because the Ho-Oh had captured you first, and your pirates led it to this island. So, knowing that, will you take Link to the Forsaken Fortress?"

"Hmm, let me think about that… NO!" Tetra screamed. "There is no way in Hell that I am taking him on my ship!"

"Aw, c'mon!" Link whined. "I don't even care about my sister, I just want my hundred rupees she owes me!"

"Wait a sec. You want me to take you to a highly dangerous place where you are extremely likely to get captured or killed, all for one hundred rupees?"

"Um, yeah, pretty much. WAH!" Link was forcefully grabbed and pulled towards a suddenly grinning Tetra.

"Well why didn't you say so earlier?" Tetra beamed, her demeanor changed entirely. "We'll do anything if it involves money, but only if you agree to give me twenty rupees if you make it out of there. Deal?"

"Um, okay. Deal."

"Great! Welcome about the S.S. um… what's our ship called again?" She whispered to the Squirtle next to her. He shrugged. "Well, that doesn't matter the point is that you're on!"

"Sweet!"

"Oh, wait. You're going to get killed in there armed with just a sword. Sorry, but you'll need a shield if you want on first."

"Not sweet! Where am I going to get a shield?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure the plot will give you the answer soon enough. In the meantime, why don't you say good-bye to everyone you care about, so you don't get all homesick when we set sail."

So Link left to say good-bye to everyone he cared about. And by "everyone he cared about," we mean his Grandma. "Hi Grandma."

"Hi Link. I eavesdropped on your conversation and heard about your dilemma."

"Why do you people keep listening in on my private talks?"

"Because you're clinically insane and I don't trust you to not blow up the island. Anyway, I have that shield you need." Grandma held up the old shield.

"Awesome! Can I have it?"

"Sure, why not. It's a piece of junk anyway." Grandma handed Link the shield. Link repaid her kindness by beating her over the head into unconsciousness with it.

"That's what you get for the sucky birthday present!" Link cackled maniacally and ran out of the house back to Tetra.

"Wow, you actually got it. I guess the plot favors you. Anyway, we won't be back for a while. Don't you want to talk to everyone else first?" Tetra asked.

"No." Link said automatically.

"…Well okay then. Climb aboard, we set sail now!"

****Time lapse!****

The pirate ship was setting sail, and Gonzo was beating the gong to signify it. Or at least he was, until Tetra broke his arm and threw him overboard using only her tail.

"You idiot! You'll alert the whole island to our location, banging like that!" She yelled.

"But Miss Tetra," Gonzo somehow said from underwater. "They already know we're here. They're all on the beach waving Link off."

"Oh, so they are." Tetra noticed. "…Set sail now! I want us out of here in 73 seconds or I cut off all your tails!"

"I don't have a tail." Gonzo pointed out.

"Oh, I'll think of something." Tetra said, smiling demonically.

Meanwhile, Link was waving to the islanders, obviously heartbroken. "Hasta la vista, losers! I'm going on an epic adventure and you're not! You all freaking suck!" Yup, heartbroken.

They made it out of there in 74 seconds, so Tetra cut off her crew's tails and electrocuted Gonzo in his sensitive area. She then approached Link.

"Alright Link, you may be a guest on my ship, but I can't have you getting in the way. So go below deck and play with Niko."

"Um, okay." Link walked off, trying not to slip on the blood covering the floor. He went below deck and walked up to a Rattata. "Are you Niko?"

"Yep, that's me." Niko smiled. "So, Tetra sent you down here, eh? Okay, let's play Get to the Other Side of the Room before the Time Runs Out!"

"That's a very generic sounding name."

"I'm not that creative, okay? Here's how you play. You step on this switch, like so, and then you jump on the platforms that rise up. If the platforms are too far apart, then you swing on the lamps to get to them. You have to make it across the room before time runs out, or you have to start all over." Niko did all that and turned to look at Link.

"Easy, right? Wrong. It'll probably take you a year to get across. One rough year, full of-"

"Hey, you done yet?" Link asked Niko, suddenly standing right next to him.

"WAH! How did you get across so easily?" Niko freaked.

"Please, I'm the hero of this story. Naturally, I own you at everything. So, do I get a prize?"

"Yeah sure, you can have this piece of junk." Niko handed him the Spoils Bag.

"A purse? What do you think I am, gay?" Link put the bag on and admired how well it went with his color scheme.

"Well,-"

"LINK! GET UP HERE NOW!" Tetra screamed loudly.

"Tetra needs you. See ya." Niko waved.

Link went back up. "Why is it nighttime? I was only down there a few minutes."

"UP HERE!" Tetra yelled from the crow's nest.

Link shrugged and used Extremespeed to launch himself up to the crow's nest, since he still wouldn't climb the ladder like a normal Pokémon.

"You could've used the ladder." Tetra said.

"Did you use the ladder?"

"…No. I used Quick Attack. I get most of my techniques from Super Smash Bros."

"Me too. So, did we reach the Forsaken Fortress?" Link asked.

"Why do you automatically think that we're there just because I called you up here? Maybe I just wanted to talk and get away from all the idiots in my life."

"So, we didn't reach the Forsaken Fortress yet?"

"I never said that. We're definitely here." Tetra showed him. "We're actually on good terms with the guys here, so all we have to do is go up to the entrance and-"

The ship suddenly crashed into a huge rock.

"…WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Tetra screamed down at her crew. "NOW WE CAN'T GET ANYWHERE NEAR THERE UNTIL REPAIRS ARE MADE!"

"Um, so how do I get in?" Link asked, the only one not afraid of Tetra's wrath.

"Oh right, you." Tetra calmed down. "Well for you we'll have to go with Plan B."

****Time Lapse #2!****

Link found himself in a barrel on top a catapult and started freaking out. "THIS IS YOUR PLAN B?"

Tetra shrugged. "Hey, I never said it was a good Plan B. Fire away!"

"3… 2… 1!" Gonzo counted down, and then launched the screaming Riolu to the Forsaken Fortress. Unfortunately for Link though, he crashed face-first into the side of the tower, losing his sword in the process. He fell down into the water, surfaced, and swam to shore.

"Oh, wow!" Tetra's voice called out. "Talk about bad luck!"

Link pulled out a glowing stone. "What the, where did this come from?"

"I stuck it in your invisible storage space."

"You're not supposed to know about that!" Link whined.

"Whatever. Anyway, with this stone, we can talk even if we're ridiculously far away from each other. Think of it like a primitive, but magical cell phone."

"Okay, but my sword's gone. How am I going to kill anything?"

"You'll think of something. Tetra out."

Link proceeded to sneak through the Fortress humming the Mission Impossible theme song. He was doing pretty good, hiding in a barrel and sneaking past the Granbulls, when Tetra started yelling at him.

"Will you stop that? I can't turn this thing off, so I've been forced to listen to you hum for the past hour! Just shut up!" She screamed.

"Tetra, be quiet!" Link yelled back hypocritically, as he himself was not being quiet. "I'm going to get caught!"

"Well maybe if you weren't humming so loudly, I wouldn't be yelling at you! I'm surprised you haven't caught the attention of the entire Fortress!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"No You!"

You!"

"You-" Link was interrupted when the barrel he was hiding under was lifted up by a rather angry Granbull. "Um… hi?"

Link was forcefully thrown into a prison cell. "Told you." Tetra said.

"SHUT UP!"

After escaping through the convenient hole in the wall, Link made his way to one of the towers with the searchlights. "Oh no, look how high it is. How am I supposed to get up?" Link asked, completely ignoring the ladder.

"You could use the ladder."

"Ladders are for chumps!"

"Okay then. Just ask yourself: what would Lucario from Brawl do?"

"Hmm… I've got it!" Link somehow double-jumped then used Extremespeed to get to the top, where he saw a Grumpig working the searchlight.

"Alright Link, since you don't have a weapon, a normal Pokémon would suggest grabbing a big stick from the pot over there to use instead. However, since I'm not a normal Pokémon, I suggest just snapping his neck and being done with it. Which do you prefer?" Tetra asked.

Link snuck up behind the Grumpig and snapped its neck with Force Palm. "The second option."

He then proceeded to do this to all the other searchlights, but ended up getting himself caught about forty-seven times after getting into more screaming matches with Tetra for singing random theme songs along the way. Eventually he made it to the top of the Fortress, where he spotted his sword.

"Finally!" Link cheered as he grabbed it. "Now I can violently kill things in gory ways again!"

"Doesn't everything you kill turn into purple smoke?" Tetra reminded him.

"…Dammit!" Link cursed, turning the nearby Grumpig into mincemeat and running inside the tower. "Aryll!" Link called as he ran over to her.

"Link!" Aryll would have said more, but Link stopped her.

"I left my earmuffs back home, and I'm not in the mood to temporarily go deaf. Just give me the money, and I'll get you out."

"But I-" A loud, familiar screech silenced her as the Ho-Oh flew inside the tower.

"Today's just not my day, is it?" Link said before the Ho-oh grabbed him in its beak and flew off towards a large cabin where a black shadowy Pokémon with red eyes waited.

"Oh my goddesses, it's a Darkrai!" Link cried.

The Darkrai was surprised to say the least. "How do you know about me? Are you a fan?"

Link shook his head. "Actually, I like Cresselia better."

"What?" The Darkrai said, enraged. "Throw him to the Sharpedoes!"

The Ho-Oh complied, throwing Link far away into the ocean, screaming the whole way. A few minutes after he landed, a red boat drifted beside him.

"I know I'm going to regret this later, but I'll rescue him anyway."


	4. Sailing and Dragon Roost

**Welcome back to more Alternate Pokeverse: Wind Waker! Once again, thanks to our reviewer and everyone else who has read and enjoyed our story.**

**Nyx: Wow, you make it sound as if we're really popular.**

**Eh, we're popular enough. So in this chapter, if anything is off or we missed anything, it's because we haven't played this part in a while.**

_Winged, is that you?_

**Oh *beep*.**

_Winged, are you writing a humor story? Oh Winged, I'm so proud of you! You do have a sense of humor!_

**Ether, I have Nyx helping me.**

_Oh, I see. Still, good for you! I think I'll stick around for a while. I've got some pretty good ideas!_

**Nyx: Well, I should probably get this chapter started. Winged Ether does not own Pokémon, Legend of Zelda, or any combination of the two. Roll the clip!**

**Chapter 4: Sailing and Dragon Roost**

"Link? Link, wake up. C'mon already, wake up for Farore's sake! WAKE UP!" A loud voice jolted Link out of unconsciousness and back into the real world, not that he was very happy about that.

"Ow, my freaking head. Feels like I was tossed into the ocean by a giant bird." He groaned.

"You were."

"Oh yeah." Link finally looked up at his savior, who happened to be a red boat with a Dragonair head at the front. It was also talking, so needless to say, Link was surprised. "WAH!"

The boat just laughed as Link fell backwards from shock. "Did I startle you? I suppose that is only natural. After all, I am the only talking boat on the entire Great Sea."

Link recovered and sat upright again. "Oh, you're a talking boat? Oh yeah, I guess you are, I never noticed!"

"Then why did you scream?"

"It's your colors. They just don't look good on you." Link said like it was obvious.

"…Are you gay?" The boat finally asked.

"No! I'm just feminine!" Link cried indignantly.

"That's practically the same thing! But whatever, we need to get back on topic. My name is King of Red Lions."

"King of Red Lions? I don't like that name. Can I call you Thomas?" Link asked.

"Thomas is a train, you idiot!" King yelled.

"Well what are the chances I'll ever end up riding a train?"

"Well… never mind that! Can I continue?"

"Sure, go ahead." Link said.

"Thank you. Anyway, I have been watching you since you went to the Forsaken Fortress to rescue your sister."

"STALKER!"

"LINK!"

"Sorry."

"Anyway, I understand your desire to protect your sister could give you the courage to stand up to any-"

"Actually, I could care less about Aryll. I just want my rupees."

"Link if you continue to interrupt me…"

"Alright, fine! Keep going!" Link yelled.

"I just want to get this over with now, so I'll skip to the important parts. You saw the Pokémon commanding that bird right?"

"You mean the Darkrai?" Link asked. The King nodded.

"Yes, him. His name is… Ganon." The boat said ominously.

"Dorf."

"W-wait, what?"

"Dorf. His name is Ganon_dorf_."

"Well for simplicity's sake, we're calling him Ganon! Anyway, he attempted to cover the land in darkness with the power of the gods, but was sealed away. He escaped somehow, so now the world is in danger and you have to stop him." King continued.

"Why me?"

"Because you're the hero and I said so!"

"Fine." Link said. "Are we going to go now?"

"Um, no. As much as I hate to admit it, I am a sailboat that does not possess a sail, and without one I cannot sail the seas." King said, turning away from him.

"Wow, you're pathetic." Link laughed, but stopped when the boat turned and glared at him. "Alright, I'll go get you a sail, one of the idiots on this island should have one." Link hopped out and ran off, waving at King of Red Lions. "Bye, Thomas!"

"It's King of Red Lions!" He yelled, but Link was already too far away.

Link walked through Windfall Island, looking for someone who looked reasonably intelligent, which to him was no one. A strangely familiar voice echoed around him suddenly.

"Wow, you're on Windfall? First you get tossed out by that bird and now this? You're just the bearer of bad luck, aren't you?" Link pulled out the Pirate's Charm, which was glowing.

"What the… Tetra? What are you doing?" Link asked, surprised that she was still keeping contact with him.

"I'm checking up on you, what does it look like?" Tetra asked. "I already heard everything, and I figured that if you have to go into any dungeons, a boat isn't going to be a very good companion, so I'm here to help!"

"Wow, Tetra, that's surprising nice of you." Link said.

"Don't get used to it. You're just a special case. Anyway, as for your sail, I think there's a Sealeo on this island selling one. Why don't you go talk to him?"

"Is he intelligent?"

"No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Dammit. But I'll go see him." Link said, while Tetra noticed something from her view from the stone.

"Um, Link? You might want to run now." She advised.

"Why?"

"Well, there's a Lopunny pedophile coming towards you…"

"What?" Link turned around saw the Lopunny two feet away from him. He freaked out and ran off, not bothering to listen to the Pokémon, who only wanted to talk to him about his missing daughter.

After a minute of senseless running, Link finally ended up in front of the Sealeo Tetra mentioned. "Hey buddy, do you have a sail you can sell me?"

The Sealeo nodded and put it on the counter. "Yep, it's the only thing I have left from my-"

"Oh goddesses, he's telling us about his background! Do something Link!" Tetra panicked.

"Right!" Link said, jumping up on the counter, beating the Sealeo into unconsciousness with his shield, and stealing the sail. He ignored the odd looks the other islanders gave him and went into the fancy-looking house next to the shop.

As soon as he entered, he saw a bunch of expensive vases on both sides of the house. "Vases!" Link shouted like a kid in a candy store, jumping up to the vases and breaking each and every one of them. As he tried to leave, the Donphan on the second floor that he hadn't noticed before started yelling at him.

"YOU LITTLE BUIZEL! Did you think you could just come in here and break my pots without paying the consequences? I demand COMPENSATION!"

"NEVER!" Link shouted and ran out of the house. When he was outside, Tetra noticed something.

"Hey Link. Your wallet looks smaller."

"What?" Link pulled out the wallet and noticed he was missing eighty rupees. "NO! My money that I saved from stealing that loser's sail!"

"You're not going to stand for this, are you Link?" Tetra asked. "Go up there and teach that thief a lesson!"

"Right!" Link ran up to the second floor's back door and ran through it, where he walked up to the Donphan who started talking to him like he had not just seen the Riolu breaking his pots.

"Oh hello. Will you be so kind as to rescue my daught-"

"NEVER!" Link shouted, stabbing the Donphan in the chest with his sword and then running out laughing maniacally. He decided to go back to the King of Red Lions.

"Hi Thomas! I got the sail, so we're ready to leave this island of retards and losers!" Link cheered.

"What is with you thinking that everyone is an idiot or loser compared to you?" King growled.

"I have a superiority complex!" Link yelled.

"Hey, me too!" Tetra called.

"What the-? Who is that?" King asked.

"This is my friend, Tetra. Tetra, this is Thomas." Link said, holding the charm up to the talking boat.

"Sup." Tetra greeted.

"Well, I suppose one more crazy on this trip won't hurt. At least you're not here physically. Let's just go."

Link hopped in and set up the sail. "Where to?"

"You have to go east, to Dragon Roost Island. Use the sail since the wind's conveniently blowing in that direction right now."

"Okay!" Link said turning the boat and sitting down. He eventually noticed that they hadn't gone anywhere. "Hey, why aren't we moving?"

"Because you have me facing west! I told you to go east!"

"You mean this way?" Link asked, turning the boat again.

"That's north!"

"I have a bad sense of direction! Sue me!"

"Oh I intend to. Just turn me in the direction the wind's blowing!" King yelled.

After a few more tries, Link got it right and they ended up on Dragon Roost Island. "Alright Link, this is Dragon Roost Island. It is home to the Ritos, a race of bird Pokémon. And up on the top of that volcano is the Sky Spirit, Valoo."

Link looked up and saw a grumpy looking Charizard on the volcano. "Is it me, or does he look pretty mad about something?"

"Oh he's always like that. Anyway Link, take this." The King threw him a white baton. "It's called the Wind Waker, and even though it's of no use to you now, it will be very important later on, so don't lose it!"

"Okay then, bye." Link walked off and took out Tetra's stone. "Where to now?"

"You're asking me? I say go the Rito's home. You'll probably find what you need there." Tetra said.

"What do I need anyway? Thomas never told me."

"Who knows? Just go talk to the bird Pokémon."

Along the way, Link met up with the Staraptor postman again. "Hey, postman dude! How's it going?"

"I have a name you know! It's Quill!" The Staraptor yelled.

"Okay, I need to get to the Rito city or whatever it's called."

"Then just follow the bridge, stupid. The chieftain needs help also, so go talk to him. By the way, here's a random bag." Quill handed him the delivery bag.

"Geez, I hope I hope most of my rewards and upgrades won't end up being purses." Link ran inside and over to a Swellow. "Are you the chieftain?"

"Indeed I am. I need your help. My son is depressed but I can't do anything about it because Valoo's angrier than usual and is messing up the wind around here. We also can't get the scales from him that allow young Ritos to fly, so my son's probably upset about that as well. So the most I can do is write him an encouraging letter, which I gave to Medli. So go talk to her and get the letter and give it to my son, okay?" The Chieftain asked.

"Wait, what?" Link asked, not catching any of that.

"Okay, bye!" The Swellow flew off.

"What did he want?" Link asked Tetra.

"He wants you to go talk to this Medli girl and get a letter to his son from her."

"Oh, I see. That shouldn't be too hard. I just hope she's not an idiot. I hate socializing with idiots."

"You and me both. Makes me wonder why I haven't slaughtered my crew yet."

Link ran upstairs and checked the rooms until he found a young Starly. "You must be Medli."

"That'srightandyoumustbeLink!" Medli said quickly with no breaks between words.

"Why are you talking like that? I mean I can understand you perfectly but it's not healthy to talk without breathing!" Link said.

"I'monasugarhigh! Apermanentsugarhigh!" Medli cheered psychotically. "AreyouhereforPrinceKomali'sletter?"

"Um, if Prince Komali is the Chieftain's son, then yes." Medli happily handed Link the letter. "Where is Komali anyway?"

"Downstairsdownthehallway."

"What? Then why didn't he just give him the letter himself?" Link yelled.

"BecausetheChieftainisalazy***hole. Comemeetmeatthecavernlater,okay?"

"Okay, bye Medli!" Link waved as he walked out.

"Bye,andbesuretolookwhereyou'regoingandnotfalloffthe-" Link's screaming as he fell off the edge interrupted her. "Oh,toolate. Ohwell. Timetoparty!" She screamed, pulling two maracas out of nowhere and shaking them like crazy.

When Link recovered, he went down the hallway and entered Komali's room, where the Taillow sat with a large glowing orb in his wings.

"Ooh, pretty orb. Can I have it?" Link asked, but Komali refused.

"No way! It's my orb!"

"Fine, here's your letter." Link handed Komali the letter.

"Be brave? That's seriously all he wrote? Man, my father is a retarded, lazy ***hole!"

"Funny, Medli said the same thing about him." Link mentioned.

"Really? Then I suppose she's enlisting your help in going to find out what's wrong with Valoo, then?"

"Probably!"

"Well okay then. I'll give you my pearl if you can find out what's wrong and stop it."

"You'll give me the shiny orb? You've got yourself a deal!" Link ran out and found Medli at the entrance to Dragon Roost Cavern.

"Hooray,youshowed! Iwasworriedthatyou'djustrunofflikeeveryoneelse. Okay,here'swhatyouhavetodo. Pickmeup,andwhenthewind',thenthrowmeandI'llflyoverthere!"

"That plan sounds heavily flawed, but whatever." Link picked Medli up and threw her when the wind was facing the bridge. Unfortunately, she just crashed into the wall instead.

"Woo,Ifeelgreat! Isaidthrowmefromthatrock!" Medli laughed dizzily.

"You never said that."

"Really? Musthaveslippedmymind." Link picked up Medli again and threw her from the rock, this time getting it right so that she flew over to the other side.

Link ran down and over to her. "You know, you're a Starly whose obviously capable of flying. Why couldn't you fly up there yourself?"

"I'mnotthatgoodaflier,youjerk. Takethis!" Medli threw her bottle at Link, who caught it. "Curses,Imissedhishead!" She took off into the cavern.

"Okay then, how do I get across, Tetra?"

"Hold on, I'm looking at the strategy guide." Tetra said. "Here we are, it says to fill the bottle with water and pour it on the dead bomb flowers up there, then throw the bomb onto the boulder."

Link did all that, and the spring filled with water. "Now just swim across and you're good." Tetra finished.

Link swam across and threw bombs into the statue's pots, somehow making them fall over so that he could cross them. He ran over to the entrance of the cavern.

"Well Link, this is it. Dragon Roost Cavern." Tetra declared.

"Sweet! First dungeon, here we come!" Link cheered, running inside.


	5. Link, Master of Suicide

**Welcome back. This chapter's up way sooner than the rest of them, but its summer and we're in a writing mood.**

_That's right, and I'm sticking around. I am the humorous part of Winged Ether, after all._

**And here I was thinking I could do something without you finding out.**

_Well you thought wrong._

**Nyx: Okay, while those two are arguing, I'll do the disclaimer. Winged Ether does not own Legend of Zelda or Pokémon. They own nothing, so stop asking!**

**Chapter 5: Link, Master of Suicide**

The first room of Dragon Roost Cavern Link entered was a small room with three statues. "Hey, it's somewhat cool in here. Unlike outside where it was freaking hot!"

"Don't get used to it. The room after the next is filled with lava." Tetra said, looking through the strategy guide.

"Can't you be useful and use that thing to tell me where I'm supposed to go?" Link asked.

"No. I'm your partner, not your walkthrough. I'll give you hints every now and then, but for the most part, figure it out yourself."

"That barely made sense."

"It doesn't have to. Now get going!"

Link pulled the blocks around until a hole to the next room was revealed. "Wow, I didn't know I was strong enough to move blocks twice my size."

"You're a Fighting-type. It can't be that surprising." Tetra pointed out.

"I guess you're right. Hey, a hole!" Link entered the next room and saw two Grumpigs. "Finally, something not civilized for me to kill!"

"Actually, we're much more civilized than you barbarians." One of the Grumpigs said with a slight British accent.

"Shut up!" Link yelled, slaughtering them both. "How dare you say you're better than me?"

"Aw Link, you're so violent! I love it!" Tetra cheered.

"Enough for a romantic relationship?" Link asked hopefully.

"Not in this life."

Link though for a moment. "What about my next life?"

"We'll see." Tetra said.

Link shrugged and decided that was good enough. He looked at the ground and noticed a disk. "What's this?"

"It looks like a TM. Strange, there were supposed to be sticks on fire in this part."

"But there weren't any sticks on fire. What's this for then?"

"It probably teaches you a move that lights things on fire. I mean, you do use a combination of weapons and Pokémon moves to get through this story." Tetra said.

"Yeah but, what's wrong with sticks on fire?"

"I don't know. It's better this way, if you think about it. This way you don't need the sticks, you can just set things on fire yourself."

"I suppose." Link said, using the TM. "What move was that, anyway?"

"I think it was Will-O-Wisp."

"I thought Riolus couldn't use that move. Also, I didn't even know that was a TM in the first place."

"Will you stop questioning the mechanics of this story and get a move on, already?" Tetra screamed.

Link used Will-O-Wisp on the two unlit torches, making a chest appear. "Sweet, I can use fire! This is the best thing I've gotten all dungeon!"

"That's the only thing you've gotten all dungeon."

"No, I got a bottle." Link reminded her. Tetra growled softly but said nothing.

The Riolu opened the chest, used the key inside to unlock the door, and entered. "Damn, it's hot in here. I hate fire dungeons!"

"Stop being a pussy. Just go and don't accidentally fall into the lava." Tetra commanded.

"Oh come on." Link said to her, not looking where he was going. "Do you really think I'm that stup- **AHH!**" Link screamed as he walked over the ledge straight into the lava. When he respawned back by the door, Tetra decided to add insult to injury.

"Yes, I do."

Link didn't hear her though; he was too busy cursing from the intense pain. **"OH ****! I can't believe I ****ing did that! And on the first ****ing time in here!" What kind of ****ing idiot am I? Oh ********!"**

"Wow, you're a real pussy. You just died by falling in lava and was brought back to life by plot necessity, and you still can't curse properly and not censor yourself."

"I can't help it." Link whined as he rubbed his burnt everywhere. "It's my nature."

"Yeah, well you're nature sucks! Plot necessity is only going to help you so much, so unless you want to end up like those skulls over there, I suggest you don't do that again!"

"Uh, okay." Link said, making his way around the large room, burning Zubats with his new Will-O-Wisp attack. He blew up the large rock with a bomb, grabbed the dungeon map, and entered a new, darker, and cooler room.

"This it much better." Link said, closing his eyes and enjoying the moment. All of a sudden, a Grumpig with a sword burst out from behind a bunch of boards.

"SNEAK ATTACK!" It screamed. Link stabbed it in the heart and killed it in one hit, eyes still closed.

Link opened his eyes afterwards. "Well that was a nice move, retard."

He proceeded through this part, using his enemies' swords and Will-O-Wisp to get through until he found the key, then left back to the large, lava-filled room.

"I did it! I got the key! I am unstoppable, nothing can stop me- **AHH! IT BURNS!**" We think this is self-explanatory.

"Oh, at this rate all my mis-colored fur will be burnt off by the end of the dungeon." Link whimpered after he respawned at the door.

"You know, I've been meaning to ask you about that. Why do you look that way?" Tetra asked from her stone.

"My Grandma's birthday present to me was radioactive goop that turned my fur green." Link explained. "By the way, how come you haven't made fun of me for it? It seems so out of character for you."

"I read a little too far into the strategy guide." Tetra admitted. "Let's just say that if I said anything about it, it might end up being hypocritical later on."

Link was still in too much pain to bother asking. After he stopped feeling like fried Torchic, he blew up the giant rock, went through the locked door, killed all the Dittos and Grumpig, and went outside.

"No lava. I like this place already." Link said, running onto the bridge and doing battle with the Grumpig there. Since Link was the hero, a few erratic spin attacks and sword slashes took care of the enemy.

"I rock!" Link yelled, before noticing that he had accidently cut all the ropes attaching the bridge. Cartoon physics kicked in and the bridge plummeted into the water below. "CURSE YOU GAME MECHANICS!"

Link was revived for the third time at the door. "I hate this place so much!"

"Just wait till you get to the Earth Temple. You'll really be crying for mommy then." Tetra said.

"My mom's dead!" Link yelled.

"So is mine, so you'll get no sympathy for me!" Tetra yelled back.

"Can you stop talking to that stone and fight me?" The Grumpig, who had somehow come back after Link fell, asked.

"GO AWAY!" Link growled, killing it. He was back to his bad mood, and made his way through this part grumbling curses under his breath. They increased in intensity after he passed the first lava spout and managed to kill the Skarmory, only to end up getting blasted by the second lava spout and back into the water, forcing him to respawn again.

"Why do these things keep happening to me?"

He climbed back up again, avoided the spouts, killed the Skarmory again, and blew up the rock to enter the door. "A block puzzle. Please Tetra; just tell me how to solve this one!"

"Alright, you've suffered enough. Here's how." She told him how and he solved it, entering the next room.

"Link!" King of Red Lions's voice rang out, somehow from Tetra's stone. "There are Rattatas in here that you can feed bait to and they'll sell you stuff. You may want to check that out."

"What bait? I don't have any bait, Thomas." Link said, confused on how he was talking to the boat in the first place.

"What are you doing, talking through my stone?" Tetra questioned, and if one could see her, she would have looked extremely pissed off. "If I ever find you in person, I'll cut off your wooden head, do you hear me?" King wisely decided to stop talking through the stone.

Link grabbed the compass and key and left the room. He was back outside the volcano. He killed the Skarmory further up, took the key sitting in its nest, and entered the door back into the cavern.

"It's dark in here." Link said, lighting a ball of fire in his hand. "Man, I love this move." Unfortunately, the light attracted a bunch of Zubats, which caused Link to panic and swing his sword around randomly, somehow hitting all of them. He lit the torches and ran into the next room.

"Oh crap! Lava!" Link despaired, staying as far from the edge as possible.

"You have to cross the bridge Link." Tetra said.

"No way, I'm not doing it! I'm not dying again!" Link said.

"If you want out of this dungeon, you have to cross that bridge. So get going, now!" Tetra screamed.

Link gulped and began crossing the bridge, trying to stay away from both sides. Only problem was, he was moving slower than a Slugma, and Tetra didn't have the patience to tolerate that.

"HURRY UP ALREADY!" This startled Link and caused him to fall over the edge. He respawned again.

"I do believe that's the fourth time. Aren't we only halfway through the dungeon?"

"I hate you." Link deadpanned.

After he felt better, Link crossed the bridge, killed the Grumpigs in the next room, and left. The next room had, you guessed it, lava.

"I can already tell something bad is going to happen to me." Link said, glaring at the Skorupi on the lone platform on the lava. He jumped onto the platform.

"Now die- what the-?" The Skorupi reared back and rammed into him, sending him into the lava.

"What the hell?" Link yelled, jumping back onto the platform after he came back. The Skorupi rammed him about four more times. By the fourth time, Link was seething in anger.

"Please, you can't beat me." The Skorupi said with a bored look on its face. "This place is suited to me, and quite frankly, I'm better than you."

This made Link snap. "You are not better than me! No one is better than me!"

"I am." Tetra spoke up.

"Okay, maybe she is, but you are definitely not! Prepare to die horribly!" Link jumped onto the platform and stabbed his sword straight through the Skorupi's body, causing it to disappear in purple smoke. He left this room and ended up in the next one.

"Hey look Link! It's the boss door!" Tetra pointed.

"Yeah, but I can't get to it without the boss key. Plus, it's too far away to get to."

"I guess you're right. You need the boss key and the new item you get."

"I get a new item? Sweet!" Link cheered.

"Yup, and its right through the door blocked by the big rock. I just realized that there are a lot of those in this dungeon."

Link blew up the rock and ran outside. He ran up the stairs, and started panicking and going faster when he realized that the stairs were falling behind him. He made it to the top of the stairs and collapsed.

"Yeah, I probably should have told you about that."

"You think?"

"Hey, is that Medli?" Tetra asked.

"What?" Link turned and saw Medli in a cell guarded by two Grumpigs. "Oh no."

"Link! Abouttimeyougothere! Comeandkilltheseguys!" She said.

"I don't really want to, but I will." Link killed the enemies, only for a Skarmory to drop a Granbull in as well.

"Shoot." Link said. He didn't actually have to do anything though, because the Granbull recognized him from the Forsaken Fortress and committed suicide, preferring death to dealing with Link's insanity and/or stupidity. The bars holding Medli went up and she ran out to greet him.

"Youdidit! Hooray! Ifoundoutwhat'swrongwithValoo!"

"What is it?"

"There'samonster. Itsdoingthingstohistail!"

"By things, do you mean-" Link began.

"Idon'tmeananythingsexuallyrelated."

"Darn."

"I'llgobackdownandtelleveryone. Yougoonahead. Here,you'llneedthis." She gave him a grappling hook.

"Sweet, my new item!"

"Doyouneedtolearnhowtouseit?" Link was already gone by the time she finished, having using the grappling hook to leave. "Guessnot. Ohwell. Bye!" She flew back down, somehow having learned to fly properly while going through the cavern.

Link, meanwhile, had come to another room with a bridge above lava. Link carefully walked across and fought the Grumpigs, but a lucky shot by one knocked him into the lava. When he respawned, Link snapped again.

"I can't take this anymore! This is like, the tenth time I've died in this dungeon, and I'm sick of it!"

"Yeah, are you cursed or something? You're like, the master of suicide." Tetra said.

"I don't try to kill myself! It just happens!" Link whined.

"Yeah, your luck is pretty sucky."

"Tell me about it! I'd be better of blindfolded! Wait a minute." Link fished around in his invisible storage space for a bit, then pulled out a blindfold. "Perfect!"

"Are you serious Link?" Tetra asked as she watched him put on the blindfold. "Do you really think that will work?"

"I can't do any worse than I'm doing now."

"Yeah, but I really don't think covering your eyes will help you get through this dungeon."

Link made it to the room with the boss key completely unscathed.

"…Wow. You luck is both horrible and amazing at the same time." Tetra quipped.

"Yup, I'm awesome that way." Link said, taking off the blindfold and grabbing the boss key. "Let's go." He said, putting it back on.

He made it back to the room with the boss door. "Smooth sailing from here." Link said, taking off the blindfold again and using the grabbling hook to swing across the lava and kill the Skorupi before it could knock him into the lava. He used the boss key on the door and entered.

Upon entering, Link saw a huge pool of lava and Valoo's flaming Charizard tail above. All of a sudden, a huge brown and orange Pokémon with metal plating emerged from the lava roaring loudly and spewing fire.

"Whoa. That's the biggest Heatran I've ever seen. Granted, it's the only Heatran I've ever seen, but still." Link awed.

"I am Gohma! Who are you?" Gohma bellowed.

"Um… I'm Link. Why are you pulling on Valoo's tail?" Link asked, trying to make small talk and stall his inevitable doom.

"I'm trying to make love with my Valoo, but the only part of him in here is his tail, which isn't very interesting. So I'm trying to pull the rest of him down here!" Gohma said.

"For the last time, woman, we're not involved! Stop insisting that we are!" Valoo yelled, having heard Gohma. "If you pull my tail one more time, I'm coming down there and showing you the true definition of 'hard love'!"

"So you say, dear." Gohma turned her attention back to Link. "You're interrupting my time with Valoo. I'm going to have to kill you."

"Shoot. Please let this work." Link prayed, throwing the grappling hook above Gohma's head. It wound around Valoo's tail, pulling on it and pulling Link above Gohma. It was only then that he remembered that Valoo was a Charizard with a flame at the end of his tail, and that his grappling hook was a rope.

"I didn't think this through very well." Link said to himself, making a last desperate swing that landed him on the platform high above the ground just as the rope burned through. "Well this is just great."

Valoo, however, felt Link's tugging, and mistaking it for Gohma's, roared, "THAT'S IT! I WARNED YOU!" He ripped out the rock blocking him from getting into the room and flew down, proceeding to violently beat up Gohma. When he was finished and flew back up, all her armor was destroyed and she was lying motionless halfway in the lava pool.

"Woo hoo! I won and I barely had to do anything!" Link cheered, hopping down to the ground.

"Um, Link? She's not dead yet." Tetra said, looking at the guide again.

"What?"

"AHA! Now nothing's stopping me from murdering you! TIME TO DIE!" Gohma screeched, rising back up and slamming both front feet down on either side of Link, preventing escape.

"AHH! I'M NOT PREPARED FOR THIS!" Link screamed.

"Stop being a girl and try the blindfold again or something!" Tetra yelled.

"Hey, you're right! It worked before, why not now?" He quickly put on the blindfold and stabbed Gohma right in the eye as she leaned forward to breathe fire. She gave a loud screech of pain before burning up and vanishing in a large burst of smoke.

"That's right, I rock." Link said as he grabbed the heart container.

"Please, you would have died if it wasn't for me." Tetra smirked.

"Maybe. But the point is that Gohma's dead, so we can get the hell out of here and get my shiny orb from Komali."

"Heh, good for you Link."

"That's right, everything finally worked out in the end. My luck is back to normal." Link said. He tripped over his own feet walking to the portal.

"Not a single word, Tetra. Not a single word." Link growled. He entered the magic portal and disappeared.


	6. Deku Tree Dislikes Fire

_Oh my, I just realized we have total inconsistency when it comes to how the titles are set up!_

**…****And this is important, why?**

_I like consistency._

***facepalm***

…_I'm going to go change them!_

**You do that.**

**Nyx: Maybe I should take this. Thanks to our two reviewers and everyone else enjoying our story! Disclaimer: We own nothing!**

**Chapter 6: Deku Tree Dislikes Fire**

"FINALLY!" Valoo yelled. "The b**** is dead and I don't have to put up with her sexual urges anymore! And because I'm in such a good mood, I think I'll change the wind back to normal and stop causing my worshippers so much grief." True to his word, the wind changed from erratic to calm in a matter of seconds.

Back on the ground, Medli was talking to the chieftain and a couple other Ritos. "Andthat'swhyUncleBobisacrossdresser!"

"Um, that's great, I think, but did you find out anything about Valoo's problem?" The chieftain asked.

"…No. WhywouldIdothat?" Medli asked, having already forgotten what she learned on the trip. Everyone around her facepalmed.

Meanwhile, not too far away, Link was warped back to the bottom of Dragon Roost Island. "I have returned! Praise me, for I am your lord and savior!" He shouted.

"Lord and savior? Please, Valoo did most of the work." Tetra pointed out.

"So what? I finished Gohma off, so I'm the hero!"

"HiLink!" Medli greeted, standing with Komali behind Link all of a sudden.

"Wah!" Link jumped. "Where did you come from?"

"Fromthebeyond!" Medli said in a freaky voice.

"Um, okay. Hey Komali!" Link waved, but Komali looked away from him. "Um… what's wrong?"

"You survived. I was sort of hoping you would die in there."

"I did die. Like, eleven times. But I came back."

"Darn, and since you saved everyone, I have to give you my orb." Komali groaned.

"That's right. Hold up your end of the deal and hand it over!"

"Fine." Komali pouted, giving Din's Pearl to Link.

"You! Idiotic hero boy!" Valoo called, obviously referring to Link.

"I find that insulting!"

"And I don't give a damn! You may have killed my stalker but you and your metaphorical fairy are more of a danger to my sanity than Medli! Therefore, I want you off my island! So go learn the freaking Wind's Requiem and get out of my sight!"

"Geez, you'd think he'd be more grateful to us." Link muttered.

"Eh, to be truthful, the way he acted when you first came here isn't far off from how he is now. He's just naturally temperamental, but he can usually control it to the point where he doesn't mess up the island's wind patterns." Komali explained.

"That'sright! Goodluckonyourpointlessquest! You'llneedit!" Medli waved, running off.

"Hey Medli, get back here! It's my job to keep you from getting too much excessive brain damage and I can't do that if you keep running off!" Komali shouted, running after her.

"Um… okay. Off to the Wind Shrine!" Link went to the Wind Shrine and stopped in front of the stone with arrows on it. "What now?"

"It's got arrows. That means you use the Wind Waker, stupid." Tetra said.

"And how do I do that? Thomas never taught me how to use this stupid thing." Link pulled out the Wind Waker and began examining it.

"Well I'm not telling you. Go back to the boat and find out yourself."

After a few minutes of Wind Waker lessons from King of Red Lions, Link went back to the Wind Shrine and played the song. He was immediately blown over by the strong gust of wind that followed.

"What the hell was that?" Link asked. A Politoed riding a cloud conveniently appeared after that.

"That was the Wind's Requiem! It lets you control the direction of the wind!" The Politoed cried.

"WHAT THE-?" Link yelled. "Where did you come from? And don't say the beyond, that's been used already."

"Darn. Anyway, the name's Zephos. I'm the god of winds."

"I thought Valoo was the god of winds?"

"No, he's the Sky Spirit, and-"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No, it isn't, now stop interrupting me!" Zephos looked him up and down. "So you're the new Wind Waker, eh?"

"I'm… not a baton." Link said uncertainly.

"Wind Waker is also a title for the one who holds it. I would have thought you'd be brighter, though."

"Hey, I take offense to that!"

"Who cares? Just get out of here, you're annoying me."

"Why does everyone want me to leave?" Link asked.

"Because you're annoying, and I hope to never see you again in my life. Good bye." Zephos said, flying away.

"What a jerk. We don't see him again, do we Tetra?" Link asked.

"Hmm, nope! That's the last of him!"

"Great! Let's go tell Thomas!" Link ran back to the King of Red Lions. "Hey Thomas, can we go now?"

"My name is not Thomas!" King growled.

"Of course it is! I never lie!" Link said. "So, can we go? Despite the fact that you never told me what to do, I managed to get this shiny orb and a song that lets me change the wind's direction which will ultimately lead to the alteration of the Earth's wind patterns and a severe change in global weather, thus resulting in the destruction of life as we know it!"

… You watch _way_ too much Discovery Channel!" King finally said. "But you actually do have everything we need, so I guess we can go. We sail to the south!"

"You got it!" Link hopped in, set up the sail and turned the boat.

"Link, we're facing east. I said south!" Link turned the boat again.

"Now we're facing west! This way will take us back to Windfall!" King yelled.

"AHH! Not Windfall!" Link turned the boat sharply to the south.

"At least you got the right direction this time." King said as they started sailing. "This way will take us to the Forest Haven, where Farore's Pearl lies."

"You mean I get another shiny orb?" Link asked, cradling the orange orb.

"Yes. The one you have now is called Din's Pearl. Farore's Pearl will be in the possession of the Spirit of the Earth, the Great Deku Tree."

"The Great Deku Tree? Aww, the Deku Sprout grew up!" Link gushed.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well…"

***Countless Generations Flashback!***

"Thank the Goddesses, Navi, we finally got through the Forest Temple!" A green-furred Lucario said as he and his Celebi companion were warped to the Deku Tree's meadow. "I never want to see another Lileep as long as I live!"

"Well Link, then you'll just _love_ the Shadow Temple!" Navi said, taking perverse glee in frightening Link. "It's got at least three of them!"

Link was silent for a long time. "Why does the universe torture me so?"

"Because you're just too easy." A large bud with a smiling face sprouted out of the ground.

"What the hell? Who are you?" Link asked.

"I'm the Deku Sprout. Made from the seed of the Deku Tree after dying!"

"Damn, I forgot you're asexual." Navi said. "Now we'll never be rid of you."

"Well, you can just go to Hell then." The Deku Sprout smiled.

***Countless Generations Flashback Over!***

"Ah, nothing like remembering the lives of your past incarnations." Link sighed.

"Link, get out of your past life and get back to this one. We're here." King said. "Now remember, the Deku Tree is an ancient and wise being, so show him respect. Link, are you listening to me?"

Link was ignoring King and playing with a small flame in his paws. "What?"

"Oh, forget it. Just be respectful to the Deku Tree."

"Got it." Link jumped out of the boat and ran until he came upon a large flower bud. As he got near, a large Carnivine popped out.

"… Deku Tree?" Link asked. Remembering King's words, he bowed respectfully to what he thought was the Deku Tree.

"Um, Link? That's not the Deku-" Link ended up in the Carnivine's mouth before Tetra could finish. "-Tree."

"So _that's_ what it looks like!" Link grimaced.

After using Will-O-Wisp to burn his way out, Link made his way up towards the entrance to the Forest Haven, killing Carnivines and Octilleries along the way. Once he made it in, he waded through the river until he came across a giant tree with a face.

"The Deku Tree!" Link exclaimed, bowing to the tree. Much to his surprise, a bunch of Dittos sprouted from the tree's face.

"**AHH! GET EM OFF! GET EM OFF!"**

"Dear Din, what am I supposed to do?" Link panicked.

"Link, you have to roll into the Deku Tree to knock the Dittos off and kill them!" King somehow shouted through Tetra's stone again.

"Talking through my stone again, eh?" Tetra growled. "Do you WANT me to decapitate your head?"

"Tetra, don't decapitate him, I need him to get off the island." Link said. "However Thomas, I don't like the idea of rolling into something that solid. I've got it!"

Link used Will-O-Wisp on the Dittos. It spread, and while it did kill the Dittos, it also set the Deku Tree on fire as well.

"**AHHH! I'M ON FIRE! THIS IS A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE THAN THE DITTOS! AHHHH!" **The Deku Tree screamed.

"So much for respect, huh Link?" Tetra taunted.

"Shut up. Although, I'm not sure how I'm going to fix this one."

"Hmm… time lapse?" Tetra suggested.

"Time lapse." Link nodded.

****Time Lapse #3!****

During the time lapse, it conveniently rained and put out the fire. The lily pad that Link was standing on was lifted up to the Deku Tree's glaring face.

"So, uh, can I have Farore's Pearl?" Link asked nervously.

"If you had managed to get rid of the Dittos without setting me on fire, then all you would have had to do to get the Pearl would be to attend a ceremony. But since you didn't, you'll have to go through another dungeon to get it." The Deku Tree said.

"Hey, that's not fair, you can't send me into a dangerous dungeon without a plausible reason!" Link yelled.

"Hmm, good point. Koroks! Get down here and help me think of a reason to send this Riolu into a dungeon!" A bunch of Grass-type Pokémon appeared and flew down on little leaf-helicopter things to the lily pad.

"Now we just need a reason! Anyone have one?"

"Great Deku Tree! Something terrible has happened!" A Bulbasaur cried, flying down on another leaf-helicopter thing.

"What is it now, Linder?" The Deku Tree groaned.

"It is Makar! He has fallen into the Forbidden Woods!" Linder explained.

"WHAT? THE FORBIDDEN WOODS? Wait, this is great! Now we can send Link here off to go retrieve Makar!" The Deku tree exclaimed.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? You know how Makar feels about us, and I think he actually fell in there on purpose."

"Shh! He doesn't need to know that!" The Deku Tree whispered, then turned back to Link. "Alright, I need you to go retrieve Makar from the Forbidden Woods. If you can do that, I'll give you Farore's Pearl."

Link shrugged. "Okay, that shouldn't be too hard."

"Actually, equipped as you are now, you can't even get there. Here, you can have one of my leaves!" Putting on a face of constipation, the Deku Tree made a large leaf sprout from a crown of leaves high up.

"How am I supposed to get up there?" Link growled.

"How should I know? Figure it out yourself!" The Deku Tree yelled, lowering the lily pad back to the ground.

Link ran off and jumped into one of the large flower buds, then shot out into the next one, repeating this until he reached a lower crown of leaves. Pulling out his grappling hook (which, thanks to discontinuity, had repaired itself after being burned through in the previous chapter), Link swung back and forth and tried to land in another flower bud. He missed and fell all the way back down, landing with a sickening crunch.

"Link, what was that?" Tetra asked skeptically.

"That was both of my legs breaking." Link groaned painfully.

"Do you want another time lapse?"

"Yes please."

****Time Lapse #4!** **

After Link's legs healed, he went back to jumping from flowers and managed to get up to where the Deku Leaf was. He picked it up and posed, just like he did with every new item he got.

"Wait a sec, what am I supposed to do with a leaf?"

"Glide with it, of course!" A Skiploom called from down near a higher up exit. "Hurry up and get over here!"

"Don't tell me what to do!" Link called, jumping off and using the Deku Leaf to glide over. He ran through the exit and came out outside. He looked over at the foreboding and evil-looking forest across the sea.

"So, are you ready to cross and start the second dungeon?" Tetra asked.

"Actually, no. Each dungeon gets its own chapter, so we can't get over there and start until the next one."

"I bet the forth wall is really loving your total obliteration of its existence."

"I bet it's loving both of us right now." Link said. "Doesn't matter though, next chapter it is!"


	7. Warning: Forest is Flammable

**Here we go, welcome back, thanks for everything, yada yada yada…**

_You could at least try to sound more cheerful._

**I'm just not too sure about how well this chapter came out.**

_Relax, we'll be fine!_

**Whatever you say. Nyx?**

**Nyx: The disclaimer is that Winged Ether does not own Pokémon or Legend of Zelda. Get it, got it, good.**

**Chapter 7: Warning: Forest is Flammable**

"And, we're back!" Link shouted, jumping off the ledge and floating over to the next one with the Deku Leaf, ignoring Tetra yelling at him about breaking the forth wall right off the bat. He then jumped from the next one, only to fall halfway through and respawn back at the previous platform because he ran out of magic.

"How the hell do I run out of magic and fall with a leaf? I'm just holding it with both hands while the wind carries it, why can't I just keep holding on?" He ranted.

"How would I know? Don't question the video game logic, just go with it." Tetra sighed.

After getting more magic, Link jumped off again, but still ended up falling into the water because he wasn't high enough to land on the other ledge.

"Tetra!" Link whined. "Help me!"

"Oh, come on!" Tetra groaned. "You figured out how to get the Deku Leaf on your own, why can't you figure this out?"

"The answer to getting the Deku Leaf was obvious!"

"And the cyclone circling this pillar isn't?"

"It's a cyclone, Tetra! It'll suck me in! I'm not that stupid!"

"Actually, according to the strategy guide, that cyclone shoots you into the air, giving you enough height to reach that ledge you missed before." Tetra smirked as she read through that part.

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier?"

"I thought you would have figured it out by now."

"I hate you." Link said, following her instructions and making it to the entrance of the Forbidden Woods, just missing the Hoppips flying around. When he got in, he was swarmed by Dittos that appeared out of nowhere. He got better.

"Hey, the Dungeon Map's in the first room! Isn't that lucky?" Link cheered, pulling out the map and looking at it.

"Let me see that, will ya?" Tetra asked. Link held the stone up to the map so Tetra could get a better look. "Hmm, wait, is the map of the Forbidden Woods supposed to say 'Forest Temple' on it?"

"What?" Link looked at the map and saw that she was right. "Oh, come on! What kind of joke is this?"

"I bet Makar replaced it to keep others from finding him."

"That's a stupid idea, you're a stupid person." Link said, ignoring Tetra's audible growl at that. "Screw the map; I don't need a map to get through here!"

"That's great, genius." Tetra said, humoring him. "And while you're in a heroic mood, why don't you get that nut and use it to kill the plant blocking the door?"

"Wait, a sec, I open doors by killing plants with giant nuts?"

"I didn't mean it like that, sicko. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"What are you talking about?" Link asked innocently, picking up one and examining it.

"Uh, nevermind. I can save the tainting of your mind for later." Tetra said.

Link shrugged and threw the nut at the plant on the door, destroying it. As he was about to leave, Link turned and looked back at the room, which looked relatively normal.

"You know, I feel like we haven't done anything funny or awesome this chapter."

"What's that? I was too busy reading the forth wall's will." Tetra quipped. "Seriously, we just started, not much could have happened yet."

"Yeah right. We're already over five-hundred words in!" Link stopped and thought for a moment. "I know! Fire! Everything's better with fire!"

"What are you-"

Link used Will-O-Wisp to set the grass ablaze, and most of the room caught fire within seconds. He left and entered the next room. He jumped into a flower and shot out into the air. After a few seconds of gliding, however, he ended up on a collision course with one of the huge spiked vines extended from the wall.

"AHH!" Link screamed, closing his eyes and letting go of the leaf with one hand and dropping down to the floor below. Upon landing, he opened his eyes and looked up at the now flaming plant.

"What did you do now?" Tetra asked.

"I accidently set one of the vines on fire with Will-O-Wisp." Link said nervously, still eyeing the plant. He held the stone up for a good view.

"Link, you're aware it's spreading, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then get out of here before you BURN TO DEATH!"

"Okay." Link said timidly. He jumped into another flower and used the rest to get to the other side of the room, where he bombed the door plant and entered the third room.

"Good thing the fire tends to stay in the same room as it started, right Tetra?" Link asked.

"Are you going to set fire to every room in this dungeon?"

"Possibly."

"What about those rooms that you'll have to reenter later on?"

"Oh. Well, can you tell me which ones those are?" Link asked.

"I suppose, since you do have to save the world, and all." Tetra sighed. "You don't come back to this room, though, so you can go ahead and set this one alight."

"Yay! So, uh, how do I get through this room?"

Tetra sighed. "Jump on the wooden platform and use the Deku Leaf to push yourself across."

Link followed Tetra's directions until he was through the next door, taking care to set the platform on fire on his way out.

"You're going to be visiting this room a lot, so don't even think about it." Tetra advised.

"Darn." Link jumped onto the moving branches, killed another door plant with a nut, and entered. As he jumped over the split in the ground, he was ambushed by a horde of Cascoons. He got better.

Link then entered the next room, which was oddly empty looking. "There's something bad in here, isn't there?"

"It's a surprise." Tetra said in a creepy sing-song voice.

Link did his best to ignore her and walked forward, only for a wall of thorny vines to burst from the ground and violently knock him back. "What the-!"

"It's a maze, Link. Don't be intimidated, it's just huge walls of thorny plants that shoot out of the ground when you get close and go back down when you're far away, therefore preventing you from completely avoiding them!"

After trying to get through the maze and getting blown back about seventeen times, Link had enough. "That's it! I refuse to be humiliated by these freaking plants!"

Link used Will-O-Wisp on the vines in front of him, causing them to catch fire and, like before, spread to the rest of the room.

"Nice going, genius. Now how do you expect to get the items in here?" Tetra asked.

"With the power of time lapsing!" Link cried.

****Time Lapse #5!****

Link was standing outside the door to the room back in the hallway, a little burnt, but with the compass and small key on hand.

"I hope you don't plan on abusing that." Tetra said.

"Naw, the rest of the dungeons probably won't be as flammable as this one." Link said, walking forward only to get swarmed again by the Cascoons.

"Help…" He recovered.

After running out of the hallway (it caught fire when Link tried burning the Cascoons off), Link went back and entered the locked door. Using the flowers to jump up to the top, he entered the next room.

After he entered, pollen started raining down. "Look up." Tetra said unhelpfully.

Link looked up just in time to see a giant Dustox fly past him.

"YOU!" It screamed. "You are the one who killed my children!"

"Your what?" Link asked.

"The Cascoons." Tetra clarified.

"Ah. Look lady, it's not my fault your kids aren't fire-resistant!" The Dustox glare intensified after that statement.

"That might not have been the best thing to say." Tetra said.

"You *******! FACE MY MOTHERLY WRATH!" The Dustox screeched, swooping down and ramming into Link. She turned back around and did it once more.

"Ow! How am I supposed to kill her?" Link groaned.

"Cut off her wings, she'll be grounded!" Tetra shouted.

Link waited until the Dustox attacked again, before jumping over her back and slicing off one of her wings. The Dustox screamed in pain, then released a few Wurmples which somehow evolved into Cascoons right away.

"I'm not liking this." Link said as he cut through the Cascoons, which only served to make their mother even angrier.

"HOW DARE YOU! And right in front of me as well! Have you no shame?" She yelled.

"Grandma always told me I was a complete monster, does that count?" Link's eyes widened in surprise as the Dustox charged at him again, and again he jumped over, cutting off another wing. Now missing two wings, the Dustox couldn't fly properly, which made it easy for Link to slice off the rest of the wings.

"You've stalled me far longer than any mid-boss should; now you die!" Link jumped on top of the wing-less Dustox and slammed his sword straight through her abdomen, causing her to explode into smoke.

Link opened the chest and pulled out a boomerang. "Yay, new weapon!"

"Are you kidding me? Boomerangs are extremely difficult to master! There's no way you can use that!" Tetra yelled at him.

Link threw the boomerang, which hit the two switches that opened the door, and came back to him. "Yay, I am the boomerang master!"

"How on the Great Sea did you do that?"

"My theory is that that stuff that turned my fur green also gave me instant skill with every weapon known to Pokemon." Link suggested.

"…That's a stupid idea. You're a stupid person." Link started crying after she said that. "Suck it up, you baby!"

Link eventually went back to the main room and used the boomerang to cut the vines holding up the flower, sending it crashing down into the basement of the dungeon. Link jumped down after it, using the Deku Leaf to slow his fall so that he wouldn't break his legs and waste another time lapse healing them.

He entered the next room, killed the Hoppips, Cascoons, and Dittos, avoided the creepy appendages that looked suspiciously like Drifloon hands (cue Link screaming like a little girl about how they were going to "drag him to Hell"), and entered the door.

In here, he hopped on the flower and cut the supporting vines so that it fell into the water, then used the Deku Leaf to push it forward, somehow killing the Octilleries just be running into them. Once on land, he avoided the Dittos and Drifloon hands and went into the next room.

This room had a really obvious puzzle involving five switches. "Wow, three guesses what the answer to this trick is, and the first two don't count." Link quipped.

"I'm supposed to be the sarcastic one, here." Tetra reminded him.

"Hey, I can have my moments, can't I?" Link threw the boomerang at the five switches, then went to the chest and opened it to find the boss key. Two Granbulls were dropped down from the sky afterwards.

"Um… hi guys." Link waved sheepishly.

The two Granbulls looked at him, then at each other, before stabbing themselves through the heart and dying.

Link and Tetra were silent for a long time. "…How come whenever a Granbull shows up, I never have to fight it to defeat it?"

"Technically, I don't think an enemy committing suicide is the same as you defeating it, but whatever. You have the key, let's go fight whatever giant monster's here and get Makar." Tetra said, pulling them back on track.

"Right." Link used the grappling hook to get back to the main room, then used the Deku Leaf to ride the whirlwind back up a floor. He killed the door plants and the wing-less Dustoxes in the next room. Link then finally entered the room that contained the boss door.

"Finally! After nearly two-thousand words we are finally here!" Link shouted.

"…It's not worth it anymore." Tetra commented. "Although, I am amazed that you refrained from setting fire to the last few rooms after you finished with them."

Link thought about this for a moment, then facepalmed. "Crap, you're right! I need to go do that!"

"Aw dammit, I shouldn't have said that."

"Since when do you care about nature?"

"Respect nature man, or it'll come back and bite you in the ***!"

"Whatever, I'm still going to make this place go down in flames." After revisiting the rest of the rooms and setting fire to them, Link went back to the one before the boss. Burning that one as well, he entered the boss room, where he immediately saw a depressed-looking Turtwig holding a small thorn vine.

"Hey, it's Makar!" Link shouted, waving at the Turtwig.

Makar took notice of him and groaned. "Aw man, what are you doing here? Don't tell me the Great Deku Tree sent you here to find me!"

"He did, and I did." Link nodded.

"Damn it! I don't want to go back! I came here on purpose! I even took the dungeon map for this place and replaced it with the Forest Temple one so that Pokémon would have a harder time finding me!" Makar grumbled.

"Hah, I knew it!" Tetra exclaimed.

"Yeah, that really doesn't do much if the Pokémon rescuing you has a partner with a strategy guide." Link said.

"I don't want to be rescued!" Makar yelled. "I want to stay here, where I can be emo in peace! Ugh, guess I have to resort to drastic measures. Kalle Demos, do it."

A blue Carnivine rose up from behind Makar. "Excellent." It said in a demonic whisper, before swallowing the Korok whole.

"What the-? Why did you do that?" Link asked, preparing to fight.

"In exchange for my protection, the Korok promised to stay here forever. It gets very lonely being the only thing existing in this room ever since this place's creation." The Carnivine said.

"I see, but did that really require eating him? I mean, technically, that could be considered cannibalism."

"Perhaps, but I really couldn't care less." The Carnivine growled. "I am Kalle Demos, lord of the Forbidden Woods. I feel the forest burning; it is your doing, is it not?"

"Um, yeah…" Link said sheepishly. "Sorry about that, heh heh…"

"The time for apologies is over. You are strong to make it through my domain, surely you will be a good challenge and last snack before these woods are destroyed." Kalle Demos' enormous petals closed up around him, while small vines lifted the bulb into the air and long, spiked vines shot out from underneath the plant. He definitely looked a lot more threatening than he did at first.

"I'm dead." Link said simply.

"Nice knowing you." Tetra agreed.

"You're a lot of help." Link growled. Suddenly, one of the vines shot towards him, and Link just barely dodged it.

"Nintendo logic." Link said to himself as he pulled out the boomerang. "The weapon you find in the dungeon is always going to be the weapon the boss is weak against." He threw the boomerang, which cut threw a few of the vines connecting Kalle Demos to the ceiling.

"Yeah!" Link cheered, only to get struck by several vines shooting out of the ground that he never noticed before. "OW!"

After he got back up, Link threw the boomerang a few more times, cutting the rest of the vines and sending the giant plant crashing to the ground, which opened up to reveal a stunned Kalle Demos.

"Yes, now I can end him quickly with Will-O-Wisp!" Link shouted, producing a flame in his paw.

"Link, you idiot, Makar's still in there!" Tetra reminded him.

"Darn. Guess we have to settle this the old fashioned way." Link extinguished the flame and ran up to Kalle Demos, slashing away at him. Suddenly, the flower petals rose back up, sealing Link in the bulb with the Carnivine.

"Foolish creature, you have walked right into my trap. Now you will feel my wrath." Kalle Demos growled ominously.

Cue Kalle Demos totally owning Link.

After Link was spit out of the plant, he stood up and yelled back, "That's not fair!"

"It is completely fair. The other bosses mocked me for being a "pretty flower," so I had to better myself. That meant using a cheap move that was sure to cause damage unless you were extremely careful."

"Hah, you admitted the move was cheap!" Link laughed.

"Oh, grow up!" Kalle Demos closed up the petals and rose into the air again.

"Aw, I have to repeat the process again?" Link whined. He threw the boomerang again until it cut through all the vines and left Kalle Demos vulnerable again.

"Alright buddy, the Forbidden Woods is completely ablaze, and I can already see flames starting to seep in here. So in order to save us both from suffering a horrible death by fire, I'm ending this right here and now!" Link slashed the sword one finally time, severing Kalle Demos' head from his body, which hopped around for a bit before managing to speak.

"Well, this was avoidable." Kalle Demos said, then burst into purple smoke.

Link grabbed the heart container. "And that's the second boss."

"That was surprisingly serious. I don't think that will sit well with our readers." Tetra said.

"Now look who's breaking the forth wall. But anyway, you worry too much. We'll be fine." Makar then approached Link.

"Damn, you killed the one thing keeping me from being able to stay away from the Forest Haven. And since the Forbidden Woods is burning down around us, I have no choice but to go! Thanks a lot, why did you have to come?" He asked.

Link shrugged. "I needed the orb. It's shiny and apparently a key plot device. Now come on, let's go!" Link grabbed Makar and ran into the magic portal in the middle of the large flower, escaping from the soon-to-be doomed Forbidden Woods.


	8. Fourth Wall Demolition: The Third Pearl

_Greetings, we are here to tell you that we are not dead!_

**And of course, to give you this new chapter.**

_Now remember people, we're back in school, so updates will be slower, but if we get reviews then that will give us encouragement to work on this story when we have free time, instead of wasting time on the internet._

**So review! We'd appreciate it.**

**Nyx: My turn now. Thanks for helping these two keep faith in this story, and here's the annoying disclaimer that apparently has to be in every single chapter. Disclaimer: We. Own. Nothing. We cannot emphasize that enough. But anyway, on with the story!**

**Chapter 8: Forth Wall Demolition: The Third Pearl**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO A DEMON?" The Deku Tree yelled at Makar. He and Link had arrived back at the Forest Haven, and Makar was trying to explain, with little success.

"I was speaking metaphorically, but if you want to put it that way, then fine. Since the "hero" here killed the demon and burned down the Forbidden Woods, I've had to come back. Thanks a lot, hero." Makar growled.

"You're welcome!" Link said, oblivious.

"Oh, it doesn't matter anymore. I suppose I have to give you the pearl, since you did complete the dungeon." The Deku Tree sighed, before shaking his top branches and causing Farore's Pearl to fall into Link's hands.

"Yes! I have my shiny orb! Now I can get out of here!" Link cheered.

"Oh, no you don't! You're staying here and sitting through our ceremony!" The Deku Tree said. "Makar, play your violin!"

"I'm not playing that piece of crap! I don't give a damn about the stupid ceremony, you can go die for all I care!" Makar yelled.

"You know, Makar," Tetra said through the stone. "If you don't play it, then Link won't leave the island."

Makar instantly pulled out the violin. "Fine, I'll play." He started playing a really dark and depressing song.

"Is it supposed to sound like that?" Link asked.

"Yes." Makar responded automatically.

Link shrugged and looked up. His eyes widened when he saw multiple seeds sprout from the Deku Tree's top and fall down. The other Koroks flew up and caught them.

"Another ceremony is completed!" A Hoppip said.

"Yes, and now we can take these seeds and plant the Great Deku Tree's children all over the sea!" A Seedot yelled.

"You mean on the islands, right? Not the actual sea itself?" A Shroomish asked.

"Of course, you moron! Did you really think I meant planting them in the freaking sea?" The Seedot yelled.

"I'm sorry! I wasn't sure!" The Shroomish cried. The Seedot slapped him on the head with his foot.

"Okay... this is really weir-AHH!" Link cried as he was suddenly pushed off the raised lily pad. After he got back up, he turned to look at Makar, who was glaring down at him.

"The ceremony's over! Get out!" He yelled.

"Merciful Nayru, does no one like me?" Link grumbled as he stormed off.

"I like you, somewhat. You're a lot more tolerable than a lot of the other Pokémon I met." Tetra said.

"Thanks Tetra, that means a lot to me." Link said, casually walking out and stabbing his sword into the underwater Octillery's head without looking. He jumped down the waterfall and went back to the King of Red Lions.

"Guess what, Thomas? I got the orb! It was fun; I met an emo Turtwig, burned down a dungeon, sat through a depressing ceremony, and watched the Deku Tree make seeds to scatter across the islands!" Link said, all in one breath.

King looked at him weirdly. "That's great, I suppose. Something tells me I'm better off not knowing the details, though. Get in, and let's go get the last orb."

Link happily climbed in and set up the sail. "Where to now?"

"We sail to the northwest. And before your terrible navigating skills tick me off again, northwest is that way!" King jerked his head in the right direction.

"Alright, you don't have to be so touchy." Link grumbled, turning the boat in the right direction and sailing off. After a while, the island came into view, and it started raining.

"Oh great, the plot's already screwing us over." King growled as they approached the island.

"I'll ask Tetra what she thinks, she always knows what to say, right Tetra?" Link asked into the stone.

"Yeah, about that, I'm going to go ransack a bomb shop now, so I won't be talking to you for a while." Tetra said.

"What? But you're supposed to give me company! There's no one else around here to have an intelligent conversation with!" Link whined.

"Um, I'm here." King reminded him.

"Absolutely no one at all!" Link said, ignoring King. The boat glared silently at him.

"Hey, I have my own life. This story isn't just about you, you know." Tetra said.

"It kinda is. I'm the hero."

"The game's called Legend of Zelda. You're not Zelda."

"Neither are you!"

"That's what they want you to think!"

"Enough with the spoilers!" King shouted, silencing both Pokémon. "Link, get out right now and find out what happened to the sea spirit, Jabun!"

"Why do I care about what happened to some fish?" Link asked as he got out.

"Because that fish has the last pearl!"

"I'm on it!" Link shouted, excited about getting another shiny orb. He ran off and immediately crashed into Quill. "OW! What the hell, dude, where did you come from?"

"I flew. I have wings." Quill said.

"It's raining." Link pointed out.

"Stop pointing out flaws in physics and listen to me! Jabun has already fled and locked himself away on another island!"

"Aw great, does that mean he's an antisocial emo like Makar? I don't think I can handle another one of those-" Link was interrupted by Quill's delivery bag being slapped across his face. "OW!"

"Shut up! Anyway, the island he's sealed himself away on is your home, Outset Island. You'll have to go there to find him." Quill said.

Link wore a horrified expression at the thought of having to go back to his native island. Quill wisely chose to ignore it as he continued speaking.

"Even though it probably wasn't a very good idea, I already told the pirates, who took off for Windfall to get bombs." Quill continued.

The horror written on Link's face doubled in intensity at the mention of Windfall. Quill continued.

"Since you need bombs to reach Jabun before the pirates, you'll have to go there too to get-"

Link fainted outright at that.

Quill stared at him for a few seconds. "He probably shouldn't be talking about antisocial weirdoes if he can't even handle going to certain islands." With that he took off back to Dragon Roost.

Link woke up about an hour later and turned to look at King.

"Good, you're awake. Now get in." Link climbed up and set up the sail again. "Now we're going to Windfall to-"

Link fainted again.

"Dear goddesses…"

****Time Lapse #6!****

"Link woke up again to find himself at Windfall Island. "AHH! Not this place again!"

"Shut up, Link!" King yelled. "Now, stop being a baby, and get over to the bomb shop."

"Bomb shop?"

"Yes, you need bombs to blow up-" Link was already gone. "…Why does he keep doing that?"

Unfortunately, Link had no idea where the bomb shop was, despite the fact that it was rather visible, being a lone building near the shore. So he resorted to tearing through every building in an effort to find it, causing mayhem and destruction.

Eventually he found the bomb shop, and broke down the front door with Force Palm without bothering to check if it was locked or not. The pirates had already left by that time, so he turned to the Slakoth that was tied up in the corner.

"You!" Link shouted, pointing his sword at the Slakoth's face. "Where are the bombs?" The Slakoth couldn't speak with the gag over his mouth, so Link ripped it off.

"The pirates took them!" The Pokémon gasped. Link instantly removed his sword, feeling very happy.

"Thanks!" He took off again and ran onto the ship, where he stopped in front of the door and knocked politely.

"Password?" Niko asked.

Link's mood went from ecstatic to murderous in a millisecond. "SCREW YOU!" He shouted, and broke the door down with Force Palm.

Niko stared in shock at the violent entrance. "You know, you didn't have to break the door down. You got the password right."

"Seriously, the password was "screw you"? Who thought of that?"

"Tetra."

"That explains it. Anyway, I'm here for my bombs."

"Okay, but you'll have to play another game with me." Niko led Link down, where he started the game and made his way across. "I've made it much harder, though, so you'll have a much harder time-"

"I'm here." Link said, standing next to the Rattata, who fell over in shock again.

"How do you keep doing that? Oh forget it, just go get the bombs." Niko sighed.

Link grinned and ran over to the chest in the next room. He opened it and pulled out the bombs. "This'll be fun!"

"And what do you think you're doing?" Tetra's accusing voice rang out from the stone. Link pulled out the charm.

"Oh hey, Tetra! How's it going?" He asked cheerfully.

"Oh pretty well, actually, if you ignore the fact that you're STEALING MY BOMBS!" Tetra screamed at him.

Link winced at the volume of her voice. "Were you listening in?"

"No, I'm in town right now, and the locals were talking about a psychotic Riolu tearing apart the island, screaming about bombs and explosions."

"Damn villagers, can't trust any of them." Link growled silently.

"Nonetheless, since you are my beacon of intelligence in this sea of stupidity, I'll give you a head start." Tetra said. "You can have the bombs, we have more, and you have until morning to get out of here and reach Jabun. If you don't, we'll catch you, and I'll skin you alive before throwing your mangled body to the Sharpedos. Got it?"

"Ouch, I thought you valued me more than that."

"I do, but you still stole from me. I can't forgive anyone for that."

"It's true." Niko said. "One time Gonzo took one of her green jelly beans, and she stabbed him in the gut and hung him upside down from the mast for the entire night."

"The green ones are my favorite. No one is allowed to take them." Tetra growled. "Anyway, you'd better get going before I change my mind. Bye!"

Link stared at the stone for a bit after it went silent, then shrugged and walked out and back to the King or Red Lions. "Okay, we can go now. I've got until morning before Tetra comes after me and tries to skin me alive."

"You just have to get yourself into some kind of trouble whenever you're by yourself, don't you? Well, climb aboard; our next stop is Outset Island." King saw that Link had frozen up in fear again. "Link, you have to go back sometime. Don't you want to see the people you've spent your entire life with?"

"No." The answer was instantaneous.

"Fine, then I'll have to force you."

"Time lapses won't work unless I actually get in you!"

"Fine then! We'll do this instead!"

****Scene Transition!****

Link and King were now on the shores of Outset. "What the hell? How did you do that?"

"That's not important. What is important is that you go see your Grandma."

"Why would I go see that *****?"

"Because it will start a quest where you'll get a bigger wallet at the end and will be able to hold more money."

"Why would I need a bigger wallet? Every time I've needed something, I've just stolen it."

"That is not the point. We are not leaving this spot until you go see her!"

"Ah, but that's just it. You are just the boat, and have no control over where we go. I'm the one who does the steering, so we go where I want to." Link said smugly.

King couldn't think of a retort. "You're a heartless little demon, you know that right?"

"Uh-huh. Maybe after we get the orb I'll be in a better mood and we can go see her later. Probably not, but maybe." Link said, getting back in, and steering the boat around the island. Partway through, they were caught in a whirlpool that appeared out of absolutely nowhere.

"What the hell? Where did this come from?" Link panicked.

"Jabun must have put this here for defense or something." King answered.

"He sure went through a lot of trouble to keep others away. Are you sure he's not antisocial in any way?"

"Yes! Now destroy that stone slab over there! It's where Jabun is hiding!"

Link took out one of the bombs and threw it normally, so it landed in the water about three feet away.

"…Link? That was pathetic." King said.

"I have a bad throwing arm!" Link defended.

"You're a Fighting-type!"

"What's your ****ing point?"

"Just use the cannon!"

"When did we get a cannon?"

"Just do it! In case you haven't noticed, we're about ten seconds away from being pulled into the whirlpool!" King yelled.

Link somehow pulled out the cannon and blasted away at the slab. When it was finally fully destroyed right as they were about to be sucked in, the whirlpool disappeared and King sailed into the cave. When they got inside, a giant Whiscash emerged from the water.

"(Oh hey, King! What's up?)" The Whiscash spoke in a tongue that Link didn't understand in the least.

"Greetings Jabun." King replied.

"Thomas? Why is Jabun talking nonsense?" Link asked.

"He's not talking nonsense. He's speaking Ancient Hylian. Valoo and the Deku Tree can speak it, as well." King replied.

"Then why don't they?" Link asked.

"Because no one else in this time speaks it and they've actually realized that and learned to talk in the language everyone else uses! Jabun is the only one still behind the times." King answered.

"(Hey, one of us has got to still do it.)" Jabun said. (But anyway, back to the conversation. So, Ganon's back, correct?)"

"Indeed, Ganon has returned." King said.

"I still don't see why no one bothers to say Ganondorf anymore." Link grumbled under his breath.

"(Did you find the Hero of Time? You should have, because I specifically told you to only come find me if you did.)"

"Um, no. I haven't found him."

"(Then who's the Pokémon sitting right there whose the same species and color of the Hero of Time?)" Jabun asked.

"Eh, he's no hero, just a naive sociopath who keeps getting lucky in his quests." King said.

"And now they're speaking about me as if I'm not here. And insulting me. I hate this world so much." Link growled to himself, still exempt from the conversation.

"(But you brought him here. Does that mean he's supposed to be the hero of this story?)" Jabun questioned.

"Unfortunately, yes." King said, earning a glare from Link, who had a guess as to what they were saying.

"(That's not good. Oh well, we'll leave it to the goddesses to decide if he's supposed to be the hero.)" Jabun said, throwing Nayru's Pearl at them. Unfortunately, he overshot and it fell into the water, so Link dived in after it.

"(…Um, anyway, did you find Princess Zelda's descendent yet?)" Jabun asked.

"I believe I have. Although, I don't think you'll be too happy with the answer. Both the hero and princess of this story seem to be completely screwed up." King sighed.

Link surfaced and climbed back in, holding onto Nayru's Pearl. "I got the shiny orb! My needs are taken care of, so there's nothing important left to do and we can leave now!"

"(…We're doomed.) Jabun concluded.

"I couldn't agree more. Goodbye Jabun." King said as he and Link sailed out of the cave and Jabun dived back into the water.

Once they were outside, they noticed that it was suddenly day time again.

"I hope Tetra still doesn't plan on skinning me alive now that it's day time." Link said.

"If you weren't the hero, I would so be okay with her doing that to you." King grumbled.

Once they had sailed a bit further and could see the shore of Outset Island again, King turned to look at Link, who was still cradling Nayru's Pearl.

"Alright Link, we've got the pearl. Are you going to go see your grandma and the other islanders like you said you would?"

Link looked at the island for several seconds, and then turned to look at King, before giving his answer.

"No."

"YOU SON OF A-!"


	9. Prolonging the Plot

_IT'S ALIVE!_

**For now, anyway.**

_Hush you. Hi, sorry for the long wait, well not really, there's really nothing that's going to excuse not updating for nearly a year, so…yeah. Enjoy!_

**Nyx: Here's the disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. Let's move on, now.**

**Chapter 9: Prolonging the Plot**

"Okay fine, so here's the deal. I'll give you three cherry pies, a deck of cards, a star-gazing map, a bottle, a whip, a fan, a steamboat, a train, and a suit of armor, and in exchange you'll go do your grandma's side quest." King recapped. "Deal?"

"Yup, that's the deal!" Link said, hopping out of the boat and onto the beach of Outset Island. As he ran off, he called back, "See you in a bit, Thomas!"

"It's King of Red Lions!" The Dragonair boat yelled.

"No, your name is Thomas! Trust me, I'm never wrong about this sort of stuff!" With that, Link opened the door and slammed it behind him, preventing King from yelling back at him.

"That little b******!"

Inside the house, Link walked over to his grandma, who was lying asleep in a chair next to a black pot. Link, completely ignoring the Wynaut at first, peeked inside the pot, and found it to be full of soup, much to his delight.

"Hey, Grandma!" Link said, paying no attention to her condition. "Pour me a bowl of soup! C'mon, pour me one, will ya? I even have a bottle for you to put it in! POUR ME A BOWL, YOU STUPID B****!"

With that, Link kicked the chair, knocking his grandma onto the floor. She just gave a pained groan in response.

Link sighed. "Well, you're obviously too sick to do anything, and I'm too lazy to pour the soup myself. I'm going to have to heal you if I want some, aren't I?"

So, like the selfish jerk he was, Link decided to heal his grandma just so she could make him soup, and set off for Fairy Forest. He made it through easily enough, killing Sneasels on the path up and laughing at the wingless Dustox in the forest as he decapitated it. The Riolu pulled out a bomb and placed it next to the huge boulder blocking the fairy fountain, and jumped in after it was blown to pieces.

Inside the fairy fountain, a Mesprit appeared and greeted him. "It's about time someone came along! Really, I never get any visitors because no one thinks to get rid of the boulder that fell on top of the entrance."

"It probably also has something to do with the monsters and the fact that no one besides me can defend themselves at all." Link added.

"That too. By the way, here's a wallet for being the first person to come here in over twenty years." Mesprit said, tossing a wallet at him.

"Thanks." Link said as he caught it. "Got anything for my grandma? She's sick and I need to make her better so she can make me soup."

"Sure, here's a Reviver Seed." Mesprit said as she handed one to him. "I have plenty, no reason really, but I guess you need something to revive you if you end up getting killed."

"Please, when have I ever gotten killed on this adventure?" Link laughed.

"Dragon Roost Cavern." Mesprit replied.

"How do you know about that?" Link whined.

"I'm psychic." She responded.

"Oh yeah." Link said, then turned to leave. "I'm going. Bye!"

"Bye! If you see Uxie or Azelf, tell them they still owe me fifty rupees from that poker game last night!"

"Got it!" Link said as he left. Once he was out, the Riolu made his way back to his grandma, where he proceeded to shove the Reviver Seed down her throat. "Eat it, woman!"

The seed revived and healed his grandma instantly, who then proceeded to strangle Link with her ear-hand-thingies. "What the hell is your problem, you little brat? You knock me out with that shield I gave you, then you and Aryll both leave me so there's no one to take care of me as I slowly die from sickness!"

Somehow, Link managed to grab his shield and hit his grandma in the head with it until she let go of him. "Shut up! I healed your sorry a**, so show me some gratitude and pour me some soup!"

"Will you leave if I do?" She asked.

"Duh! I hate you, remember?" Link said.

His grandma rolled her eyes and proceeded to pour some soup into his bottle. "Fine, you ungrateful child, here!" She shoved the bottle back into his hands when she finished. "Now get out!"

"Thank you, grandma!" Link said happily. "Oh, and by the way…"

Several seconds later, his grandma was once again lying unconscious due to head injury from Link's shield. "I still haven't gotten over how you dumped me in radioactive waste on my birthday!"

Link then left the house and made his way back to King of Red Lions. "Are you finally done?" The boat asked.

"Yep, and now that I've done that stupid side quest, give me that stuff you promised me!" The Riolu demanded.

"You gullible idiot, I'm a freaking boat! How am I supposed to get you any of that stuff?" King asked.

Link stared in shock at the boat. "You cheated me!"

"Um, yeah, I did." King said. "So what?"

Five seconds later…

"ALRIGHT, I'M SORRY! NOW PUT THE FIRE OUT!" King screamed as his wooden body continued burning from Link's Will-O-Wisp attack.

"Nah, I'm enjoying this moment." Link said as he continued to listen to King's screaming for a few more seconds while he absentmindedly studied the sea chart. "Alright, I've enjoyed it."

****Time Lapse #7!****

It rained again during the time lapse, putting out the fire on the King of Red Lions that Link purposely inflicted.

"Time lapses." Link said. "Cool, eh?"

"Just get in so we can go to our next destination." King growled.

Link climbed into the charred boat and set up the sail. "So, where to now?"

"Now, we need to head to the Triangle Islands and put the pearls into the statues on each island in order to activate the next part of the plot." King looked behind him and saw Link's horrified expression. "What is it now?"

"I have to get rid of my shiny orbs? I don't want to!" Link cried.

"You have to! Did you think we were collecting them just to make you happy? No, they're plot pieces and you're going to have to part with them!" King yelled.

"Do I have to?" Link whined.

"YES!" The Dragonair boat yelled again.

"Fine." Link growled, turning the boat in the required direction and sailing while pouting like a small child.

Somewhere along the line, though, Link got lost and ended up sailing right into a whirlpool caused by an angry Tentacruel. "AHH! We're gonna die!" Link screamed.

"Quit panicking and shoot it with the bombs!" King told him.

"Okay!" Link chirped, bringing up the cannon and pointing it at the Tentacruel. "Die, creature of the deep, die!" He shouted, laughing maniacally as he blasted the poor creature to pieces.

"…I know I told you to do it, but that was still overkill." King muttered.

A small blue Pokémon rose up from the spot where the Tentacruel had been moments before. "Hi, I'm Manaphy! Thanks for the rescue; I thought that Tentacruel was going to rape me or something."

"No problem!" Link said. "Do I get a reward, though?"

Manaphy looked at the Riolu oddly, then shrugged and used his magic to envelope Link in a glowing white energy. "You know those moves you use despite the fact that you shouldn't be able to use them as a Riolu? Well, now you can use them longer without running out of energy."

"That sounds kind of useless." Link said.

Manaphy glared at him. "Shut up, I'm the freaking Prince of the Sea and I can send every Pokémon in the ocean to try and kill you if you don't like my gift!"

"Yeah right, I'd like to see you try!" Link taunted.

"Link, shut up! He'll really do it, you know!" King hissed.

"So, I can handle some Water-types." Link dismissed the threat.

Manaphy continued glaring at them as his antennae glowed with a red light. "Whatever, you jerk. Let's see you keep that smug expression on while you're getting torn to pieces by Sharpedoes." The Manaphy gave them the closest thing to the middle finger as he could, then dived into the ocean.

"…Nice going Link. You've managed to piss off the ruler of every Water-type in the sea." King growled.

Link shrugged, not seeming to understand how much harder he just made everything. "So? What's the worst that could happen?"

Five minutes later…

"Dammit, Thomas! I blame you for this!" Link yelled as he desperately tried to avoid the horde of Sharpedoes that were attempting to knock him out of the boat and rip him to pieces.

"I told you that you shouldn't have pissed off Manaphy." King scolded him.

"I didn't see you trying to help!" Link growled, making the boat jump over another incoming Sharpedo.

King just looked ahead and noticed something. "Link, look, it's one of the triangle islands!"

"Great, we'll be safe there!" Link said, making another jump right as they reached the island and causing the boat to land on the island itself with a loud crash.

"…Link, you understand that the point of a boat is that it's supposed to stay in the water, right?" King said slowly, as though talking to a child, which considering Link's maturity level, was pretty accurate.

"Meh, I'll push you back in later." Link said as he hopped out and walked to the lone statue on the island. He placed Nayru's Pearl in its hands and sighed. "Goodbye, sweet, shiny pearl…"

"Will you hurry up and get back here already?" King yelled at him.

"Fine!" Link yelled back, kicking the boat back into the water and hopping back in. While evading the Sharpedoes, he somehow managed to land on one of the fairy islands. Going inside, an Uxie appeared to greet him. "Hi there. Mesprit asked you to come, didn't she?"

"She says you still owe her fifty rupees." Link said.

"Yeah, I'll get to that eventually, once I have the money. Probably rob a bank or something." Uxie muttered. "Oh well, here's a bomb bag to carry more bombs."

Link caught the bag and smiled at the thought of holding more explosives. "Thanks!"

"By the way, before I forget, here's a Reviver Seed!" Uxie called, hurling it at Link's retreating form. The Riolu turned around just in time for it to nail him in the forehead.

"Ow!"

"Sorry! Also, if you're interested, Azelf will give you a bigger bomb bag." Uxie informed him.

Link's smile widened at the thought as he ran back to King of Red Lions. "Hey Thomas, let's go find that other fairy island!"

"Do you really need all these upgrades?" King asked.

"Yes!" Link yelled as he got in and sailed around until he found another fairy island. Inside, Azelf was waiting while drinking a cup of tea.

"Hey." Azelf greeted.

"Hi! Can I have some tea?" Link asked.

"No, but you can have this bomb bag."

"That works too!" Link said as he stared inside the bag. "By the way, you still owe Mesprit her money."

"Dammit, I was hoping she had forgotten about that." Azelf said.

"It was yesterday…" Link said, raising an eyebrow.

"So? I'm just going to hope that she doesn't come by for the money." Azelf said. "I'm broke. I don't have anything!"

"You're a legendary, aren't you? Shouldn't you have something?" Link asked.

"I live on a little island in the middle of nowhere. Where am I supposed to get money? Maybe I'll go mug some random bystanders…"

"Yeah, well, good luck with that. Do I get a Reviver Seed from you two?" Link asked.

"Heh, no. Why would I give you something like that after I already gave you a bomb bag that can hold 99 bombs? I gave you plenty already." Azelf scoffed.

"You suck!" Link shouted, then left and ran back to the King of Red Lions.

"Link, you're stopping at all these different places just to meet the local legendaries. Are you stalling so that you don't have to continue the plot?"

"Maybe, maybe not." Link said. "I'm done though, so where's the next triangle island?"

After more escaping from angry Sharpedoes, Link came to the next island and sadly placed Farore's pearl into the statue's hands. "I hate parting with my plot pieces." Link muttered as he got in and started sailing again.

"Get over it." King said.

"You're really sympathetic, you know that?" Link said sarcastically.

"Why would I be nice to someone as psychotic as you?" King asked as Link got out at the last island.

"Because I'm moe?" Link answered, smiling cutely.

"Don't be a weeaboo." King said.

"Why not? We're in a Japanese game."

"We're also in an American fanfic."

"Darn." Link said as he put Din's Pearl in the statue's hold.

As soon as he did, though, the statue began to glow. Link backed away, thinking it was about to explode, but when it didn't do anything for several seconds, he slowly crept closer to it. "Okay, so what happens now-" The statue chose this moment to explode, sending Link flying off into the sky. "DAMN YOU THOMAS!"

The King of Red Lions chose to ignore the screaming Riolu in favor of watching a humongous stone tower rise out of the sea that the triangle islands surrounded. Meanwhile, Link crashed face-first into the rising tower, then fell down into the water with a large splash in a moment of déjà vu. He surfaced and climbed into the King of Red Lions, who had sailed in front of the tower moments before.

"You could have helped me!" Link yelled at his travel partner.

"I'm a boat, I can't do much." King reminded him. "Anyway, behold the mighty Tower of the Gods!"

Link stared up in awe at the massive tower that seemed to touch the sky for several seconds before a bored look crossed his face.

"Meh, it's not that impressive."

"…If I wasn't a boat, I would hit you right now."


End file.
